Finding Tobi
by BrandNewOrange
Summary: In which Tobi decides to cast a spell, causing the Akatsuki to ruin your favourite childhood movies. rating raised for safety, due to language only
1. Prologue

I'm aware this isn't and entirely original idea for a story. But I got the idea stuck in my head and couldn't really make it go away. Plus I wanted to give this concept my own spin. I know some of the character choices may be a little cliché, but hopefull there will be a few surprises in there for people too.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto, the Akatsuki, or that line down there from bedknobs and broomsticks

* * *

It had all started when Tobi, moron to end all other morons had burst into the meeting. The orange masked one had been yelling some weird language that none of them could quite understand. It appeared he'd come up with some stupid plan to take over the world. Again.

"Tobi, what is it now?" Pain sighed, unhappy with the interruption.

"Treguna Mekoides Trecorum Satis Dee!" he yelled, childishly throwing something at the leader's face. They all flinched momentarily in case Tobi had gotten into Deidara's explosive stash again. After the brief panic, Pain looked at his feet to where the object lay. All of the Akatsuki peered at it closely. A bedknob?

It exploded anyway.


	2. Chapter One

ARGH! I'm sorry that the first chapter contains what is possibly one of the biggest clichés when it comes to Akatsuki being Disney characters. It's just, he fits the dress so well, and I hate putting Deidara in a dress. Also, I'm sure from the title you will all guess who I make Tobi.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto, the Akatsuki, Alice in wonderland, or anything else Disney related

* * *

Deidara blinked his eyes open. He immediately wished that he'd kept them closed. Ugh, had Sasori been testing new poisons on him again? The bright colours of this world were giving him a headache, although he had to admit, there was something artistic about the appearance of the twisted purple tree before him.

Something white flashed in the air above a branch and the young bomber had to blink. Was that a grin? He rubbed at his eyes and stared at the branch, suddenly a purple and pink striped cat pinged into view.

"Sweet! I never thought I'd find a girl here!" grinned the cat. Deidara scowled.

"I'm a guy, un" he replied testily. The cat looked at him and cocked his head. There was something familiar about it. Like it should be wearing an orange jumpsuit.

"Well, you're sure dressed like a girl, believe it!" cried the cat, it's teeth flashing. Oh hell no. It was bad enough the place he was in resembled a bad acid trip, without the nine tails there to mock him. He reached into his pockets, grabbed a small lumpy object and threw it at the cat.

"Katsu!" yelled Deidara but nothing happened. The cat, luckily had disappeared anyway. The blonde was seriously getting irritated now, why hadn't his bomb worked?

Looking down at himself, he found the cat was right. He was currently dressed in some powder blue dress, which billowed out at his hips. Instead of pockets filled with clay the dress had two pockets, one full of mushrooms, the other held a bottle. The contents of the bottle glowed blue, and sloshed about as he held it up to examine. Tentatively, Deidara reached his hand up to his hair. It had a bow in it.

He threw the bow to the ground in disgust, now if he could only find some pants, maybe a few explosives, he'd be set. He stomped off into the strange woods ahead of him, deciding this wasn't some drug fuelled dream. Somehow Deidara knew this was all Tobi's fault. Whatever was going on he did not like it one bit, he was going to find Tobi and throttle him.

Of course, he needed to find out where he was first, and hopefully, he'd meet one or two of his teammates along the way. The bombers foul mood didn't let up once as he made his journey through the weird and wonderful land. Once or twice he was accosted by other strange creatures, who attempted to stop him and sing. Eventually tiring of the technicolor nightmare he punched one of the things, a white rabbit, square in the face. They left him alone after that.

After walking half the afternoon, the bomber grew hungry, he sat down in a rose garden. Remembering the mushrooms and bottle of liquid from before he took them from his pockets. He gulped, praying the mushrooms weren't poisonous and took a small bite from one. It wasn't long before he realised he'd began to grow. "_Ha, yes! Take that Itachi, you can't make fun of me for being short anymore!_" He thought, punching the air triumphantly. He realised he was still growing. Oh dear, the height he was at was enough thank you!

When he stopped he could see all across the gardens to a castle in the distance. He was huge now, over five times his original height. In his other hand, he still held the bottle of blue liquid. Although it was now miniscule in his hand, he could just make out the writing on its label.

"drink to shrink"

Huh, why hadn't he noticed that before? He uncorked it and let a few drops from the tiny container drop onto a tongue in his palm. Within seconds he was back down to his original size. So much for the mushrooms.

Deidara stroked his chin thoughtfully. He turned to the rosebush beside him and dug at its roots momentarily. Bingo! There was a nice chunk of natural clay some ways beneath the dirt. He took off the ridiculous frilly apron he was wearing, and dumped the clay into it. He tied up the apron, and stood up. He had an idea of how to get out of here now. Picking up his new find, and pocketing the bottle of shrinking liquid he set off in the direction of the castle he'd seen earlier. Hopefully there he would get some answers.

He arrived at a green in front of the castle to be confronted by an ugly hag screeching about heads. She was gesticulating wildly at him, a neon pink flamingo in her hand. It reminded him of someone.

"Hidan?"

"Off with his head!" the woman shrieked.

"Sorry, I thought you were a friend, un" Deidara shrugged, trying to hold off the guards. Who did this crazy bitch think she was, the queen? He'd prepared some clay with his chakra on his short walk from the roses and was fully prepared to fight them, he'd just rather have some answers first. Namely, where the hell was he? The blonde tried to ask them this again, when he found a flamingo shoved into his own hands. This one was blue.

Looking around he noticed all the flamingos were oddly coloured. How artistic, of course he was good at making his own art with birds. The queen was yelling again. Apparently she didn't like the young man's daydreaming. How this warranted his execution, Deidara did not know. He crumbled a chunk of mushroom into his clay as the guards advanced on him again.

Sighing, Deidara flung the mushroom infused clay at each flamingo around him he'd lost his patience now and was growing angry. As stated before, he was good at making birds into art. Immediately the birds began to swell, squawking like their mistress.

"Katsu," he commanded with a grin. He almost sounded bored. That was until the air erupted with a rainbow of feathers, fluttering in flames around those present. As the audience watched his art, stunned, he made his exit, strolling inside the castle.

As if the place couldn't get any weirder the inside of the building appeared to be one room. It was entirely of white marble, smooth from ceiling to floor. Placed in the exact centre of the room was an old bed. The frame looked to be made from old iron. It was adorned with dull brass bedknobs. The blonde bomber made his way over to it and sat down. The white bedding was amazingly soft and comfortable. However something irked him about the bed. Looking at its corners he noticed that the bottom left side was missing its bedknob. It completely ruined the symmetry of the room. How un-artistic!

Deidara was many things, a bomber, slightly effeminate, mildly unhinged psychologically...the list goes on. He was also, however, a perfectionist and damn proud of the fact. He made it his duty as an artist to correct this atrocity and began to fashion a bedknob from his clay. When the ball was perfectly spherical, he screwed it into place. In a moment of accidental genius he let his thoughts slip out aloud,

"I wish I was with Sasori no Danna now, he'd know what to do," he muttered. He gave the bedknob one final screw into place as he said this.

The bed vanished.


	3. Chapter Two

This chapter is dedicated to every fan who hates associating Sasori with that other puppet, for those who can no longer stand the song "I've got no strings" and for those who realise, there is a much better Disney role suited to Sasori. This chapter also features Zetsu. Yay!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto, the Akatsuki, Peter Pan or anything else Disney related

* * *

Sasori hated children. He might look like one, he may be the boy that never grew up, but he still hated children. For the best part of his day since waking he had been bothered by an entire gaggle of brats. The only one of them that wasn't bothering him was the girl, but she was, apparently, in a mood with him. They insisted on calling him Peter too. He'd take an eternity of being the brat's partner rather than be stuck with these horrors.

Discovering that he could fly in this world brought him his only solace. He'd used that power to fly away and think to himself. It was evident he was not a puppet in this place, and he had none of his former belongings with him. He did still however, maintain his ability to cast chakra strings. This would be useful to know if he ever did come across a puppet he could use. Unfortunately this world seemed to be a real place, dispelling any notion that he was dreaming. It didn't cross his mind where the others could be, but he knew it must be something to do with that exploding bed knob Tobi threw at the leader.

His reverie was interrupted by the damned fairy, no not Deidara, the little green one. One of the kids from before had called it Tinkerbell. He tried swatting the nuisance away but it didn't work. She was very persistent. Finally listening to what the pixie had to say he rose from his spot and jumped into the air. So a strange new person had arrived on the island? He'd better go and investigate, with any luck it would be somebody that could help him get back home.

* * *

Deidara groaned in discomfort as he landed on his back. The stupid bed had disappeared mid flight, and he was in a completely new world now. Looking down at himself he became annoyed his costume hadn't changed. He stood and straightened out his skirts, flattening the creases that had formed with his harsh landing. A blur of green flickered before his eyes, someone had landed in front of him. Looking up he found Sasori, an eyebrow raised and domineering smirk plastered on his youthful features.

"Nice dress, brat," Sasori greeted, placing a hand on his hip. Deidara looked the other's outfit up and down. The puppet master was clad head to toe in lurid green, a perky little cap clashing with his vibrant hair. The blonde frowned before smirking himself.

"Nice tights Danna, lime green is so you," he drawled sarcastically.

"Deidara, you're a man in a powder blue dress, nothing you say can beat me," the redhead's usual impassive face returned and Deidara pouted.

"I didn't choose to look like this, un," he said childishly. Sasori merely shook his head. What they were wearing wasn't important, even if Deidara looked hilarious. The annoying pixie was buzzing around his head again. Why were blondes so hard for him to ignore? He batted the scantily clad female into a tree, effectively knocking her out.

"So, have you seen anyone else yet?" Deidara asked, following as Sasori turned to walk away.

"Do you really think I'd still be here if I had? What I've learnt so far is that people more irritating than you and Tobi exist, and some pirate keeps trying to off me," the redhead's tone was cold.

"Oh you don't mean that Danna, yeah," Deidara smiled, "you don't want to know what I've been up to," the blonde took out a small chunk of clay from the apron and began to chew it idly in his hand.

"You're right," Sasori sighed, "I don't."

"Well I woke up in this place, yeah, some real wonderland. I felt like I was tripping on acid Danna! Then the nine tails showed up, as a cat, then I exploded some birds! It was awesome, un!" Deidara completely ignored what Sasori had said and happily told his story. It did contain on vital piece of information though. Deidara could still use his explosive powers, excellent.

"Deidara, follow me, I have a favour to ask."

* * *

Deidara was cackling in pure joy, at last Sasori appreciated his art! In truth, Sasori had seen an effective solution to his infant problem, and employed a certain bomber to take care of it. "_Take that Wendy_," he thought wickedly as the lost boys' den smouldered.

"so, what do we do next, un?" asked Deidara, having finally calmed down.

"I guess we should look for the others. They aren't on this island, but seeing as we can both fly it should be easy to travel," Sasori explained. Deidara simply nodded

"Can you hear ticking Danna?" he asked as they made way to leave. Sasori strained his ears, yes, the sound was coming closer, getting louder. The ground in front of them began to rise and change colour. Before them stood what can only be described as the bastard son of a cactus and a crocodile.

"Hello Sasori, Deidara, **tick tock,**" it was Zetsu. Dressed as a crocodile. He looked truly bizarre, his flytrap like extensions had become his jaws and somewhere along the line he had gained a tail. "interesting outfit Deidara, **you look good enough to eat,"** the plant man smirked. The blonde frowned, was he going to get this every time they met someone?

"Whatever un, why do you look like that?"

"We're not sure. It has something to do with that spell Tobi tried to use, **can I smell roasted fairy?** We've been trying to figure it out since we got here but the only person we came across seemed convinced we ate his hand. **We've been following him ever since, he he, tick tock." **

The two artists puzzled over the new information. Well they were all certain what had happened, but not why.

"Zetsu you stay here and try to work out what is happening. Deidara and I will come back for you when we're found everyone else." Sasori commanded, behind him the familiar figure of Deidara's clay bird loomed. Zetsu merely nodded, and watched as they took to the skies.

"What do you want to do now?** We could torment the pirate some more. But I'm hungry." **Zetsu chatted to himself. He lumbered off towards the now destroyed den. "**tick tock**. Yes, tick tock."


	4. Chapter Three

Of all the Disney related fish I could have made Kisame, I think I've made him one of the best here. I had the most fun so far writing this chapter, I think it's writing Suigetsu's lines that did it. that and possibly because The Little Mermaid was always my favourite Disney film. Hope you all enjoy it too!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto, the Akatsuki, The Little Mermaid, or anything else Disney related.

* * *

Kisame didn't know how much more he could take. First his legs were gone, the tail was pretty awesome, but he much preferred his legs. And he had a crown. That too was pretty awesome, he must be some sort of king. The trident was cool, but it was no Samehada. He missed his sword. And of course there was the little matter of Suigetsu.

Who kept randomly bursting into song.

Currently, the other mist nin had a green tail and was swimming in elegant circles, singing at the top of his lungs. All in all Kisame didn't think he would have minded the singing, but the bra? Two purple seashells were currently tacked onto the boy's chest. There was no purpose to them at all, but the boy refused to remove them. He began the song for what was now the eighteenth time and the older man covered his face with his hands. Of all the people, why?

"_I'm gonna beat all of you swordsmen__  
I'm gonna slash and gonna stab you guys in!  
I just can't wait until you are-what's that word?_

_Dead!_

_Just wait and see__  
Oh won't it be heaven, when I have seven?__  
That's where I'll be  
I'll have you beat_

_With all of your swords!"_

Kisame didn't have the heart to tell him that neither held a blade right now. The boy was having fun though, still grinning as ever. Karin sat on the arm of the throne. At least he wasn't in her position right now. He looked down at her.

"It's pretty bad isn't it?" he asked.

"Suigetsu's singing or the fact that I'm a crab?" she sulked,

"You shouldn't be so crabby all the time then!" Suigetsu laughed at his own terrible joke mid-song. The other two rolled their eyes.

"Yeah I guess I have it easy, I'm king of all the mermaids," Kisame grinned, "and most of them are pretty hot, I can finally get some action."

"You do realise that all the mermaids here are supposed to be your daughters right?" Karin informed him.

"What?"

"Have you never read the little mermaid?" Karin sounded offended. Kisame shook his head sadly. Karin sighed, straining her crabby features. "The little mermaid, it's about a mermaid who wants to live with humans. You are King Triton, father of the little mermaid, and her many, many sisters."

Kisame's face contorted with understanding. "So Suigetsu is the little mermaid?" he snickered, "so why are you a crab?"

"I have no idea; apparently I'm Sebastian the babysitting crab." She crossed her claws in anger. They both groaned as the sound of trumpets filled the air. Apparently the rest of the sea creatures were going to join the younger swordsman in his singing. Deciding he'd had enough Kisame rose from his throne of coral and waved his trident. A bolt of white light shot from it, vaporising those surrounding Suigetsu and stopping the song.

Suigetsu blinked at him in surprise. Kisame looked at the golden fork. He didn't know it could do that. Karin swam awkwardly upwards to perch on the huge merman's shoulders.

"Now that you've decimated the rest of the people here..." she began.

"Hey guys, we should probably try to find everyone else" Suigetsu but in. Kisame nodded. He doubted he could last much longer in the presence of the two. They bickered as much as Kakuzu and Hidan, and it grew to be quite irritating.

* * *

"Do you think everyone else is a fish?" the white haired boy asked swimming alongside him. They'd been travelling for almost a day now. Kisame's frequent threats to use the trident on the pair hadn't shut them up.

The shark like man could swear the ocean was getting shallower. The sun above seemed to shine brighter, and the colours of the coral below them was brighter and more varied. He loved the sea. It made him feel at home. He did however miss the rest of the Akatsuki. Well he missed Itachi and Konan to an extent. Anyone would be hard pressed to miss the other psychopaths. Ignoring Suigetsu's questioning, Kisame looked at the sea bed, studying it as they swam along. He noticed a shadow, separate from his own, shooting across the sands.

There was a sudden splash as a large object landed in the sea, displacing a large quantity of water around them. Kisame and Suigetsu flipped their fins agitatedly as Karin scuttled over to the object.

"It's a bed," the girl gone crab announced. Kisame sighed. He could see that. Crab-girl clawed her way up the bedding and began to bounce on it experimentally. Tired of flailing around with his tail, Kisame pointed his trident at himself and hoped for the best. In place of a tail, his legs appeared once again. He was now wearing pants in the same blue his tail had been.

Standing up, Kisame made his way over to the bed and sat down. It was an old thing, which creaked and sagged and he made himself comfortable. Around them the water began to rise, lifting the bed with it. It soon began to bob on the water's surface, rising steadily with the tide.

"Don't leave me behind!" Suigetsu yelped, slashing along after them, before making a triumphant flip onto the bed. He crossed his arms and began to sulk. He wanted legs too. And how dare they leave him behind? He glared at Kisame and Karin, who were ignoring him. A thought struck him. He knew exactly the right way to get what he wanted. Seeing what the water boy planned the other two covered their ears. Suigetsu opened his mouth wide.

_Great,_ thought Kisame. _He's singing again._ Thinking Suigetsu had stopped he uncovered his ears momentarily, but it was at the wrong time.

"_So come aboard and bring along all your hopes and dreams  
Together we will find the great things that we're looking for_

_There's always room for you  
If you wanna be my friend  
We are, we are on the cruise!" _Suigetsu had a ridiculous grin across his face, arms outstretched and eyes closed as he sang. Kisame had had enough. He bopped the younger male on the head with the trident, knocking him out. At least he hadn't been singing the _other_ song he though with relief.

He pushed the unconscious boy to the end of the bed, and left Karin to nap where she was as they floated along the surface calmly. In the distance he could see land, a lighthouse dominated the skyline. He hoped they might find some friends there.


	5. Chapter Four

First of all, I'd like to say thank you to the few people that put this story on alert/favourited it. It means a lot to know someone other than myself is enjoying this. Secondly, I think it's only fair to warn people that the rating will probably be going up within the next few chapters. It should be obvious why. Lastly, Here's the next chapter, featuring the lovely Itachi in what I think is one of the most underrated Disney roles ever. Hope you like it.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto, the Akatsuki, Pete's Dragon, or anything Disney related

* * *

Uchiha Itachi was not impressed. It hadn't take him long to realise that with the explosion of the enchanted bedknob, he'd been whisked away to another dimension. It was like some uncouth fool had placed him inside his own tsukuyomi. He gazed at his reflection in the water. His precious sharingan eyes were now only a fond memory. Luckily he could still breathe fire, he'd found that out when the foolish boy that had visited earlier just wouldn't take a hint.

Sulking in the back of this damp cave wasn't doing him much good. Plus from the looks of things the tide was coming in, he'd better find somewhere else to shelter. He emerged from the cave and stalked off towards the town. Ensuring he was invisible Itachi lumbered along to the harbour. His new form was rather large, and he'd require one of the warehouses if he wanted room to sleep. Itachi settled in a building on the outskirts of the harbour that was out of use. He'd be undetected here, and with it being so far from the shorefront he'd have some peace. He settled his large new physique into a pile of itchy sacking and set his head down to sleep. Outside he could hear someone singing obnoxiously. He hated this place and resolved to burn it to the ground when he left.

* * *

The bed floated into a harbour not far from the lighthouse they'd seen. On their way Suigetsu had woken up, gotten into a fight with some other sea creatures, and they'd subsequently had a feast of jellied eels and squid rings for dinner. After this, Kisame had reluctantly given the boy legs. It would help him in the long run as once they reached land he wouldn't have to carry him. Karin on the other hand appeared to be drying out; spotting a glass buoy on the water Kisame snatched it up. He broke the top off of it, filled it with water and plopped the crab-girl inside.

Clambering ashore, Suigetsu and Kisame turned to find the bed had disappeared. Perhaps it had sunk when they'd gotten off it? Although that didn't make much sense, why would it sink with less weight on it? Around them the harbour wasn't really busy, apart from in the bar.

"Let's not stay here," Karin suggested, "it reeks of fish,"

"You're one to talk," muttered Suigetsu. Kisame tried not to laugh, he had to give the boy credit for that one. Suigetsu shifted Karin's bowl in his arms, he's been given the task of carrying it. Still, they decided not to stay, and made their way through the town.

Kisame tried to ignore the looks they got as they wandered through the small town. It didn't help he was bright blue, super tall and had a massive fork in his hands. In fact that was, he guessed, the only reason they were only getting stared at, and not attacked. Suigetsu on the other hand, was now clad in pale green pants, and for some odd reason, still had his seashell bra on. No amount of force, not even the trident could remove it. Suigetsu didn't seem to mind it. In fact he'd started singing again, loudly.

"_It's a brazzle dazzle day!__  
But I lost my sword, I can't think where it went  
__Stupid brazzle dazzle day  
So watch your back 'same, 'cause I'll take that trident"_

"Dear god Suigetsu, shut up!" Kisame yelled, finally reaching breaking point with the boy.

* * *

Wait a minute, Itachi recognised that voice! Kisame was here! Perhaps he'd be able to help him. Plus the other Akatsuki member wasn't alone, he was with one of his foolish little brother's friends. But that was better than nobody. He burst out of the warehouse, forgetting to keep his invisibility up and charged off in the direction of the singing.

He found the group in the town square, and immediately they were surrounded by townspeople. His partner looked at him curiously. He didn't want to know what the white haired boy was doing, the seashell bra put him off for a start. Opening his mouth to speak, Itachi frowned.

Where was his voice, surely that idiotic mumbling and clicking wasn't his voice? He tried again. He groaned meeting with the same result. Covering his eyes with his stubby arms he groaned again. It was so undignified. He suddenly felt a dull thump against his flank and turned. He'd forgotten about the townspeople. Oh, how nice, they came complete with pitch forks and harpoons. Growing bored of them he breathed a jet of fire over the town.

He was free of one annoyance, and turned to the other. He'd just have to follow Kisame until he figured out what to do.

"You're pretty cool!" grinned Kisame to Itachi, "you remind me of a guy I know!" unbeknownst to the man, it was the same person he was thinking of. Itachi smacked his scaly forehead and waddled after the fishy trio. They were making their way out of town.

"You're welcome to follow us mister dragon," Kisame continued to ramble at him, "we're trying to find our team mates. You know I should give you a name,"

Kisame furrowed his brows, deep in thought as the group plodded on. Suigetsu and Karin were arguing about something. Itachi merely shook his head, had his partner always been like this?

"I know, I'll call you Elliott!" Kisame beamed, thoroughly pleased with himself. Itachi stopped dead in his tracks, extremely tempted to toast his partner in his stupid blue pants, and use his own fork to dismember him. He wished he had his sharingan, so he could prove who he was. He settled for torching the town to the ground like he'd promised himself.


	6. Chapter Five

The chapter in which our titular character finally appears. Just to let you know, for the purpose of this story Tobi is NOT Madara. But that much should be obvious, right? Sorry this is a short one, I didn't feel it needed to be much longer, plus I have a little trouble writing Zetsu sometimes. Still, hope you like it.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto, the Akatsuki, Finding Nemo, or anything Disney related

* * *

"Weeee!" squealed something small and orange. It whizzed through the anemones with delight, bouncing off some seaweed and landing to the side of a large and spiky urchin. The orange object was a fish. It shook the sand from itself revealing its odd pattern. As was common with its species, the fish had black, white and orange stripes along the length of its body. Its face however had the black stripes in and odd swirling pattern. And in addition to a disproportioned fin, the fish had only one eye.

Tobi, now a clownfish, was having the time of his life. The spell he'd tried to help the others with hadn't exactly worked, but he was having too much fun to care. He swam upwards and sped off toward the anemone again. Another, larger clownfish seemed to be following him worriedly. It was yelling something about Nemo, and how Nemo was being naughty.

"He can't mean Tobi, Tobi is a good boy," the ninja clownfish reasoned, "So why is he following Tobi?"

He swam onwards, past a large manta ray which was giving a varied school of sea creatures a lesson. They waved as he passed them, and Tobi waved back, before disappearing into a thick swathe of seaweed. He emerged onto the other side of the plant and gasped.

Stretched out before him was a vast blue emptiness, the rest of the ocean. He didn't contemplate it for very long though (not that Tobi ever contemplated anything) as he soon felt his tiny orange body being swept up into something. He attempted to swim back toward the reef he'd been exploring, but found his way barred. Some sort of invisible barrier stopped him.

A smarter, more rational person would have realised they were now inside a bag, or container of some sort. Not Tobi. They may have panicked, or thought they were in some sort of trouble. Not Tobi.

No, Tobi saw this as an adventure, unlike the diver that had picked him up. As the boat sped back towards land, the poor man could have sworn he heard a delighted whooping from the bag. But clownfish didn't make noise, right?

* * *

Zetsu swam along the surface of the water happily. His belly was full from the little feast Deidara and Sasori had left for him.

"Tick **tock** tick **tock** tick **tock**," his two personalities conversed with one another. Apparently it was a trait they could not stop in this world, and they'd say it louder every time they came close to the pirate galleon.

He was rather enjoying himself at the moment. One part of him knew he should be doing as the puppeteer had asked and try to find the others. However, Zetsu already had multiple parts to worry about and didn't pay much mind to it. He paid so little attention he hardly noticed the island fading away as he swam away from it.

A small white object floated into view by his side. He sniffed at it experimentally. It smelled like Deidara. He snapped it up greedily, regretting it as the taste of clay erased the lingering taste of his previous meal. Paddling onwards Zetsu found that there were now more ships ahead of him. Perhaps he could find something... or someone to erase the taste of clay there.

"Tick **tock**, tick **tock**," he sang methodically, heading towards the closest ship.


	7. Chapter Six

Iya! Here's the next chapter of Finding Tobi now with added hidan :) thank you to fabulosfan for my first review. I started off writing, thinking I wouldn't really care if I got any reviews or not, but it made me feel all giddy when I actually got one, so ta!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, the Akatsuki, Disney's Hercules or anything Disney related**

**

* * *

**

Hidan was having the time of his life. He'd assumed he was dead, and was being rewarded by Jashin, as since arriving he'd had a nonstop barrage of monsters to kill. It was heavenly. He wiped the foul green blood from his face and swung a sword at the monster he was currently fighting. Yes, this was the best one, every time he beheaded it, three more heads grew back. The thrill of the fight just kept getting better.

"Fuck yeah!" he whooped with delight. So, he didn't have his scythe, and he was in some weird dress with armour and a cape, but he was still immortal. And best of all, none of his shitty team mates from the Akatsuki were around.

When he'd finally buried the monster under a ton of rubble Hidan allowed himself a break. He wandered off to a large house he apparently owned and made his way around the gardens. He came to a spot by a pond. Around the pond were several marble sculptures, and a small bench made from sandstone. Hidan sat down and watched the fountain for a while.

The immortal began to grow irritated however. He swore he could hear talking from beside him, but whenever he turned to look around it stopped. He eyed the closest statue, well, _statues _suspiciously. It was a series of females, the one in the centre was tallest, with large hair curling around her head. Those either side of her were dressed similarly, but they levelled out to the shortest. Hidan turned away again, he could have sworn the short fat statue winked at him. He scowled.

There it was again! He knew he could hear women talking.

"Would you fucking stop it?" Hidan yelled, spinning to face them. The five statues looked blankly at him. Hidan scratched his head, this was driving him crazy. Then suddenly, just as he began to accept he might be crazy, the one with mad hair began to laugh. The other statues seemed to come to life at this, the fat one laughing too, while the one with a ponytail looked exasperated by them both. The tallest one grinned and the one with long hair looked at him thoughtfully.

"Seriously, it's fucking annoying," Hidan told them, somewhat relieved he wasn't hearing things.

"Mm hmm, this one sure aint the regular Hercules girls," the tall one, who appeared to be their leader spoke.

"Hercules?" asked Hidan, "you mean that pansy from the myths that used to beat up shit?"

"That's our boy!" replied the short one again. Hidan looked at the women, and the stared right back at him.

"So who are you bitches?" the white haired man asked. They all struck a pose, and the leader spoke again.

"We are the muses, goddesses of the arts," she told him melodiously. Hidan laughed rudely.

"There's only one fucking god, and that's Jashin," he stated, wagging his finger at them. They raised their eyebrows in unison, and struck another pose.

"You're in our world now honey," the short one told him.

"Which means if we say we are gods, you ought to listen," the crazy haired one finished. Hidan folded his arms. He supposed they could be right. He definitely wasn't in the Akatsuki base now.

Unlike the inhabitants of where the other Akatsuki had ended up, the muses seemed to realise that something was amiss. Whoever this white haired man was, he was not their Hercules. He did however seem to have a massive amount of strength, and a godlike healing ability.

"So," the lead muse addressed him, "what is your name? And are you some sort of god?"

"I'm Hidan," the immortal replied, "I'm immortal, not a fucking god."

"Boy, you sure got a mouth on you," mocked the shortest muse. Hidan glared at her.

"So you're goddesses of the fucking arts? You bitches got the wrong Akatsuki, I'm sure Deidara would be fascinated by you,"

"Deidara huh?" spoke the ponytailed muse. "Is he blonde by any chance?"

Hidan looked surprised and nodded.

"He may have just landed in the ocean," the leader informed him.

"What the fuck!" Hidan yelled, running away from them. The muses watched as their curious companion leapt over the stone railings and down the cliff edge. The nodded at each other, struck one last pose and turned to stone.

Hidan sprinted along the beach, sure enough Deidara was there, along with Sasori. He stood in awe of them when he reached the pair, staring at their bizarre clothes. A smirk crept onto his pale features, which soon turned into a full on laugh.

"Ha-ha! I always knew you were a fucking girl Blondie!" Hidan guffawed. Deidara crossed his arms and pouted. Hidan merely pointed and laughed at Sasori. The puppet master was in lime green tights. It was fucking priceless, and the little hat too!

"Fuck off, yeah? It's not like you look any better in those sandal and that weird leather miniskirt, un" Deidara countered. Sasori sighed, of all the other akatsuki they could have run into. He'd have preferred meeting Tobi to finding Hidan. Actually, no, Hidan was marginally better than Tobi.

"Is Kakuzu here?" the redhead asked when the other two had finally ceased to insult each other. Deidara was fiercely rolling clay in his hands, while Hidan swung his sword around. They both stopped and looked at him. #

"Kakuzu? I haven't seen that old bastard since the explosion, and I'm damn happy about it," Hidan stated lowering his blade.

"Well, I'm not," Sasori spoke coldly, "we're trying to find everyone one and work out what is going on. We think it's something to do with whatever Tobi threw at the leader." He told the Jashinist.

A thought struck Hidan, if they were really gods, the muses might know something.

"You two should follow me," he told them, "I met these crazy ass women, they might know something," he ran off up the Cliffside again. Sasori sighed again running a hand through his red hair.

"Shall we follow him Danna?" Deidara asked looking toward his partner. He was fidgeting with the edge of his blue dress. Sasori nodded and took off into the air. Being able to fly had its advantages. Deidara ran off up the cliff after Hidan. There was no sense wasting clay to fly for him.

* * *

Deidara and Sasori had their hands on their hips impatiently, Hidan was a little weird sometimes but they didn't think him this crazy. He was currently punching at a statue of five women, cursing as he did so.

"Seriously, they fucking spoke to me before!" he tried to convince them between punches.

"Sure they did Hidan," Deidara rolled his eyes, "sure, they did, un."


	8. Chapter Seven

Here's yet another chapter, thanks again for the reviews/favourites. They make me all shiny inside. If that makes sense. Here, we chack back in on our favourite swordsmen, driving poor Itachi up the wall. Hope you like it.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, the Akatsuki, A Bug's Life, or anything Disney related**

* * *

Itachi could have sworn the world around him was getting larger as they trekked through the forest. Or was it that they were getting smaller? Had Kisame been able to understand him, he would have explained it to the blue skinned man. They were currently on yet another water break. The young boy in the seashell bra, whose name he now knew to be Suigetsu, dehydrated quickly apparently. The white haired boy was being scolded by a small red crab in a pair of glasses.

He hadn't noticed the crab in the harbour town. But now it proved somewhat impossible to shut out the female's nagging voice.

"All you do is drink water, we never get anywhere, I don't know why Sasuke picked you to come with us, or why Kisame bothered to let you come with us this time," the high pitched tone grated on Itachi's nerves. He harrumphed at them, a little smoke escaping his nostrils. They shut up noticing the dragon's irritation.

Suigetsu picked up Karin's bowl and walked on ahead. He was still tired and didn't feel much like singing right now. Itachi could hear him start arguing with Karin again. Kisame got up from his spot against one of the nearby trees and hefted the trident over a shoulder.

"Thanks Elliot, they were getting to me too," Kisame grinned at him. Itachi sighed. How dense was he that he hadn't realised he was Itachi yet? They followed the other two in silence.

"Gosh, you really are like my friend," Kisame chatted to him, "he was always really quiet too. I bet if you guys ever met you'd get on. He liked breathing fire too,"

Itachi tried to tune out Kisame's voice. He looked at their surroundings again. They were definitely getting smaller. They pair bumped into the back of Suigetsu, who'd come to a halt. They looked to where the younger swordsman was staring. In front of them was that hugest tree Itachi had ever come across, all the plants here were huge.

"Is that, is that a bunch of ants?" Suigetsu asked Kisame, whilst scratching his head in confusion.

"It's not just ants, it looks like a whole bunch of insects," Kisame replied. He shrugged, "we may as well go over there and see if they've seen any of our friends,"

"They may well be our friends if we're anything to go by," suggested Karin from the depths of her bowl. Suigetsu mimicked her pulling a face. It earned him a playful cuff around the head from Kisame.

"Knock it off kid, she could be right and you know it," he scolded. Suigetsu responded by opening his mouth as if to sing. This time Itachi stopped him with a well aimed tail.

The watery one began to mumble to himself while the group moved towards the insects. They stopped, noticing three had broken off from the others and were making their way over. The group consisted of two ants, one blue and one pale purple, and a ladybird. Itachi noticed the ladybird had a small aphid sat atop its head, barking happily.

"You're with the Akatsuki," the first ant, the blue one addressed them. Itachi guessed it was looking straight at Kisame, he couldn't tell because of the ant's dark glasses on its eyes. The other ant looked nervous, with eyes much like his old village's Hyuga clan. The ladybird was scowling and looked wild.

"Look, ant boy, we aren't here to fight right now," Kisame poked the bug with his trident. Suigetsu set down Karin's bowl and stood next to Kisame. Was he trying to offer some sort of support? Itachi merely sat back on his huge green haunches and watched curiously. He didn't think they would all fight.

The ant frowned at him.

"We may not be in our normal home right now, but our orders are always to stop any akatsuki we come across," the ant in dark glasses spoke again.

"Look, we're just trying to find our friends, we aren't trying to kill you, can we not just leave it this once?" Kisame asked, he sounded bored. The purple ant fidgeted nervously,

"Sh-Shino, we should listen. Um, maybe he's right, I know I'd like to find our other friends right now," she said timidly, her voice very quiet. The ladybird looked at her, the aphid on its head was now growling at Suigetsu. Rather predictably, thought Itachi, Suigetsu was growling back at it, his fanged teeth bared.

With limited warning, the two male bugs went to fight Itachi's two companions. Deciding he'd agreed with Hinata, Itachi stood once more and lumbered into the affray. Standing between the two parties he flared his nostrils. They stopped, eyeing him warily. Even as a stupid looking dragon, the Uchiha hadn't lost his flair for commanding respect.

He turned to ask Hinata if he'd seen any of their friends. Then he remembered he couldn't speak, cringing as the annoying grunts and clicks exited his mouth.

"I think Elliot wants to know if you'll help us!" Kisame beamed. He was only half right. Itachi wished he'd stop calling him Elliot. Suigetsu went to retrieve Karin, and yet another drink of water.

The purple ant nodded nervously.

"J-just this once, okay?" she stuttered, "when everything gets back to normal we'll have to fight." She led them off through the giant blades of grass. The other two bugs watched the ragtag group go. Kiba growled as Suigetsu stuck his tongue out at him.

Once they were through the shrubbery, Hinata pointed out a familiar piece of furniture to them.

"Well, what do ya know! It's that weird bed," smirked Suigetsu, dumping Karin onto one of the pillows. He swigged the water from her bowl happily as the crab began to complain on the bed.

"Suigetsu, you're such an ass, when we find Sasuke..."

Everyone ignored her and turned back to Hinata.

"It's the only thing besides you and us that isn't huge in this place," she explained, looking to the floor. She had a small blush on her cheeks. "and, there's this weird thing about it. Maybe, maybe you guys can use it to help find your friends." She finished up, before running off quickly, back through the leaves. Itachi cocked his scaly head at the bed.

"Hey, last time we sat on this we found you Elliot! Maybe it is magic," mused Kisame. The blue man sat on the bed next to Suigetsu and Karin. "you should sit down too Elliot if you're coming with," he continued.

The dragon gave up on his partner and heaved himself onto the ancient looking piece of furniture. It sagged and creaked loudly as he barely managed to perch on the end of it. He was surprised he hadn't crushed the damn thing. Closing his eyes Itachi wished they found someone else soon, and hopefully somebody smart. Itachi was surprised again as his surroundings disappeared and they were whisked away to somewhere new.


	9. Chapter Eight

Here is the longest chapter I've written so far. I'm very happy to have finished it, even if it has some really god awful jokes in this one. It's time for Kakuzu, and I won't lie I've been looking forward to his introduction since I started posting this story. The sexiest accountant in the land (if you know who I stole that from I officially love you) will now become the sexiest pirate on the seas.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, the Akatsuki, Pirates of the Caribbean or anything else Disney related**

* * *

Kakuzu was rather enjoying himself. He'd awoken in a well lit cave, surrounded by treasure. He loved treasure. Money was what Kakuzu lived for. It didn't bother him that he was currently dressed in more leather and buckles than many fetish shops would allow. It didn't faze him that what wasn't made of leather on his outfit was fashioned from many silk scarves and a frilly white shirt. He ignored that he now had a gun, and a nice shiny sword. Kakuzu had money.

He was currently engaged in counting it into neat little stacks. The gold of the curiously marked coins gleamed in the moonlight. Kakuzu rather liked the little skull design on each one. It was unlike any coinage he'd seen before, but he shrugged it off. Like he had tried to explain to Hidan many times before, money was money, in any form. They world ran on money.

Kakuzu began to count out each little pile again. He hoped he'd never have to leave this place.

* * *

Hidan had exhausted himself trying to prove the muses were real. Deidara didn't care much and was now engaged in destroying the many fine artworks of the garden. Sasori had long since tried to stop him, but was instead reminding Deidara of his own adventure.

"His muses are no different to your cat, brat," he snipped as the blonde was, once again, mocking Hidan.

"The nine tails was a cat Danna," protested Deidara, balling his hands into fists, "he spoke to me and then vanished, un."

As he finished his sentence he could have sworn he'd seen the familiar grin fading away in the branches of a nearby olive tree.

"Look, it's there," he squeaked, pointing toward it. Sasori and Hidan looked to where the blonde's finger extended . seeing nothing they turned back to him. Hidan raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"You know Dei-chan, it must be some strong shit you mix in with that clay of yours, if it makes you that fucking delusional. At least my fucking statues are right there." He folded his arms cockily, smirk still plastered on his face.

"He's right you know brat, it's not normal to just see cats all the time," Sasori added thoughtfully. Deidara's temper began to flare.

"I'm telling you Danna, it was there!" he cried, stomping his foot. In his girly outfit he looked like a spoilt girl at her birthday party. Sasori turned away from him, he was not willing to put up with one of the bombers temper tantrums now. He took off the green cap, mopping the sweat from his brow. For the first time he noticed the jaunty little red feather on the hat. It sickened him.

"So fuckers, what the hell are we gonna do now?" Hidan barked impatiently.

"We're going to do what I suggested earlier and find the others Hidan," Sasori replied, putting his hat back on.

"But how are we going to find anyone else Sasori no Danna?" Deidara asked him, blue eye shining, "I only found you because of that freaky bed, and we only found Hidan by chance, un"

"Well brat we won't find anyone if we don't look," Sasori snapped back. "now that you and I are off that ridiculous island, I suggest we stick to this land for a while, now get a move on." With that the redhead turned on his heel and stomped away, heading for the nearby coastal path.

"Danna, wait for me, un!" Deidara called out, flouncing after Sasori, skirts billowing. Hidan combed back his hair with one hand. He'd be damned if he was staying here all by him-fucking-self again. He'd better follow the bitch and his pansy.

"Yo, wait for me you heathen assholes!" he yelled angrily after them. His leather sandals slapped against the floor as he ran to keep up.

* * *

Kakuzu was no longer impressed. The stitched up Akatsuki was wallowing in self pity. How had he allowed such pathetic humans to capture him? Worse yet he was now stuck in the festering, damp hell hole that was a pirate ship's brig. Then there was that weird young woman who kept on coming on to him insisted on calling him Jack. Though he had to admit, women had called him weirder things. The only way this could get worse was if Hidan were there preaching about Jashin. At least he still had some of his money. The thought of the beautiful gold coins in his pocket ensured the old man remained calm and happy.

He replayed his earlier fight in his mind. He'd been happily admiring his new wealth, when the bimbo and her boyfriend had appeared, along with a bunch of other pirates. He'd lost his temper, but when he went to fight, found his hearts and masks were missing. He'd had to rely on the sword and gun he had. Luckily he had some skill with a blade, you don't get to be a ninety year old ninja and not know how to use some sort of sword. He was still immortal though. One of the pirates had shot at him, and he hadn't died. When he passed through a beam of moonlight his torso became skeletal.

"Hmm, interesting," he'd mumbled to himself. He could live with the modification for now. Apparently everyone in this world was out for his blood. No different from his old life in the Akatsuki then.

Inside his cell he bowed his head and waited. The beads that now adorned his dark hair hung into his face. He huffed, trying to blow them out of his way. There appeared to be a commotion upstairs. Perhaps he could use as a distraction while he escaped?

* * *

Hidan and Deidara trudged on behind Sasori. He was smaller and nimbler than the pair, and despite not yet being used to a fully human body, his stamina appeared to be far greater than their own. The coastal pathway was pretty much deserted, with a clear view of the ocean on one side, and a wide landscape of fields and mountains on the other. The older man had insisted they stick to the coast as they could encounter their teammates from any terrain this way.

The younger two were arguing. Seemingly, it was about clothing.

"Fucking tranny,"

"I was a girl a minute ago, now I'm a tranny. Make up your mind, un,"

"You're both you fucking freak."

"At least I'm not the tranny in a leather mini skirt,"

"It's fucking armour you dick. Besides, I look a damn sight better than your sorry ass,"

"Only because you're wearing a shirt for once, un"

"Will you two shut up?" Sasori turned on them. Had he a weapon he'd have been brandishing it threateningly. He settled for pointing his finger at them. Deidara stared at his master, blinking, and unfazed. Hidan merely laughed in Sasori's face. It earned him a smack around the head.

While the Jashinist bitched about the injustice of the slap, Sasori noticed the gathering clouds out at sea. Brooding and ominous, they spread across the sky. He could make out a fleet of ships framed by the storm.

"Do you think we should check that out?" Deidara suggested, seeing what his partner stared at.

"I don't know. Seriously, pirates and ninjas aren't supposed to fucking mix," Hidan answered him. The three Akatsuki members stared out at the sea before Sasori spoke again.

"One of us could be out there though. We can at least fly over just to check quickly." He decided solemnly. The blonde nodded, beginning to form a bird with his clay. When it was ready, he signalled for Hidan to climb on. Sasori jumped into the air, gliding through it, and the other two followed on the back of the clay creation.

It wasn't long before they reached the battle on the seas, and Hidan spotted a familiar face in the affray. He shouted obnoxiously as Deidara landed his bird.

"Oh look at me, I'm Kakuzu and I'm on a boat, take a good hard look at the mother fucking boat!" he stormed over to where his partner was currently fighting off some pirates and punched them out of his way. "you decrepit old bastard, why do you get to have a boat, and I get stuck with the ice queen and the tranny?" Hidan continued to assault Kakuzu, poking him in the chest and chattering on.

Ignoring Hidan's rage Sasori and Deidara were soon embroiled in a fight of their own. Deidara looked on as a woman began to grow to massive heights, cackling loudly as she did so. The blonde frowned unimpressed.

"I can do that too un," he stated to nobody in particular. He fished around in his pocket and found one of his mushrooms. Biting into it he gestured triumphantly, "see?"

The other Akatsuki were treated to the view as their blonde compnanion's size began to increase quickly. Soon he was as tall as their enemy, and a smirk spread across his now gigantic face.

"Oh shit, my eyes!" cried Hidan, "that is one skirt I do not want to see up, " he cowered away as Deidara began to fight the giant woman. It didn't matter to him that she was goddess of the sea they were all on. Sasori and Kakuzu shrugged as they watched Deidara.

"It's not so bad," Sasori smirked while Kakuzu nodded in agreement.

"Fuck, you sick old perverts," Hidan continued to insult the older two, while all around them the pirates fought on. Kakuzu shook his head at his idiot of a partner and sewed his mouth shut.

* * *

Hours later, the sun was setting and the four were the only ones left on the boat. Sasori had made a puppet from what appeared to be a giant octopus, and was making it dance across the sea for his own amusement. At the front of the ship, Deidara was throwing small bombs into the sea, hoping to stun some fish into their nets for dinner. Kakuzu, relieved that nobody was trying to kill him anymore, was relaxing against a railing. He'd taken out his small stash of treasure and was counting it lovingly again.

Soon however he felt eyes on him and turned to face Hidan. His partner was now splattered with blood, the pirates having become sacrifices to his god. The immortals lips were now unsealed and he spoke.

"So you're a fucking pirate in this place?" he questioned.

"Apparently so, Hidan." Kakuzu retorted. He looked away from the Jashinist and went back to his counting.

"So, you're a pirate and a ninja?"

"Yes Hidan,"

"Are you like, some sort of shitty ultimate warrior then?"

The other three looked at Hidan. If it weren't for his immortality, and the fact they didn't much care, they'd worry about him.


	10. Chapter Nine, part one

Yay, I copied up chapter nine! Also, I realised the other day I was a little unhappy with the last chapter, there were a few mistakes in it I didn't correct, but I have done so now. Feel free to go back and read it again if you wish, but it's largely the same. There's probably about two more sentences in there though. Nothing massive. In this chapter we finally come across Konan, I love Konan, she doesn't get the credit she deserves sometimes. This is also only half of what I had planned for this chapter. If any of you read the fic I uploaded yesterday, you might have seen that I mentioned I'm sick at the moment. This means I'm writing on paper, then copying it up afterwards. I just didn't feel up to the task of copying the whole thing tonight. I'll probably be posting the next half either tomorrow or the day after, depending on how I feel. I'll let you all get on with the story now.  
Orange

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto, the Akatsuki, Mulan, or anything else Disney related mentioned in this story

* * *

When Konan had come to, she was in a tent. Judging by the light outside it was early morning. She could hear the sounds of people fighting, and the masculine grunts of people training not too far away. Konan, luckily, was a great deal smarter than many of the other Akatsuki members. Upon discovering her breasts to be bound, her blue hair tied into a more masculine style, and the fact that she was alone, she realised Tobi had cast a spell separating them all to different worlds.

She got out of the grey sleeping bag she'd been in and stretched out, the paper she always carried rustling as she did so. Looking down she saw the squashed remains of some red lizard beneath her. Oh dear. A cricket was also chirping loudly, trying to get her attention. She picked it up on the end of her finger and regarded it carefully.

Eventually, realising she could not understand its cries the bug shut up and hopped onto her shoulder. Konan remembered hearing somewhere that crickets were lucky and let it bounce around as it pleased. Pulling on a pair of shoes she left her tent and went to look around outside.

Sure enough, stretched out before the kunoichi was an entire army. Row after row of tents stood by her own, and on the other side of the field two larger tents were pitched, presumably they belonged to the general. The men of the army were practicing their martial arts by the looks of things, deep within a training regime.

Guiltily she wondered how long she'd been asleep for. Presumably she should be in the midst of this training too. she ran over to the other men, dodging as for some reason they tried to trip her up. Assholes. The next chance she got she'd kick their ass. But, unfortunately that wouldn't be anytime soon, as they were all brought to an abrupt halt. The captain, a young, and Konan had to admit handsome, man rode by on his horse. He commanded them all to stop, berating their performance.

He signalled for them all to pay attention as he strung his bow, and notched an arrow. Taking aim he fired the arrow to the top of a huge wooden pole. He turned to them, holding up two heavy looking discs on ropes.

"This," he began, "represents discipline, and this represents strength," he indicated each disc as he spoke. "you need both to retrieve the arrow,"

Konan rolled her eyes, okay so these men weren't shinobi, like the ones she knew, but surely they weren't dense. She couldn't stand the captain's arrogance either. It seemed the man didn't like her much either, as he chose to pick on her first for his silly little exercise. She could hear the cricket on her shoulder, chirruping something as the captain handed her the discs. She shushed it, earning her a few sniggers from the other soldiers.

Now, there were two ways she could do this. Evidently there was the way the captain expected, which was to tie the discs together around the pole and shimmy up it, or she could screw the rules of this world and use her paper powers to retrieve the arrow. Feeling something hit her on the back of her head she whipped around. There was a stone on the floor, and the men were trying to avoid her gaze.

Those bastards had thrown a rock at her.

_A rock?_

Screw this world, she was doing things her way.

* * *

The bed had brought them out in a small village, before it collapsed under Elliott's (Itachi's) weight and vanished with a popping sound. Right now they were making their way through the hustle and bustle of the busy village's life. Many of them were scared by the presence of the hulking dragon and ran from the sight of him, not that Itachi minded. Those that hadn't run were giving the group very odd looks, things weren't helped by Kisame's blue skin.

Karin was now riding on Itachi's head, seeing as Suigetsu had thrown away her bowl. They'd have to get a new one at some point or she'd start to dry out again. The pair was watching their companions from the mist village with a great deal of embarrassment. Kisame had taken to walking like a pimp with the trident, strutting his stuff down the dusty street. Had he not been a retarded excuse for a monster, and capable of adequate speech, Itachi would have reprimanded him much sooner. Suigetsu on the other hand was back to doing what he did best.

They'd come across a procession of girls, all dressed up to meet the village matchmaker, they were singing happily, allowing the boy to skip alongside them, singing his own words to their tune. The air was filled with his tedious singing.

"_what the mist  
does not know  
that the men it picked are rather slow  
when I take their swords, just watch me go  
I'll bring honour to the swords!"_

Itachi heard Karin groan from her spot atop his head.

"Stupid Suigetsu, I wish for once he'd shut up about those damn swordsmen," she was grumbling. Itachi nodded his head and clicked his tongue in agreement.

"Thanks Elliott. I'm starting to think you and I are the only sane people around this place. And we're bloody animals," the crab girl waved her claws, even though the dragon couldn't see. "and really, what on earth does Kisame think he's doing?" this time he nodded harder.

Reluctantly, Suigetsu allowed the pretty young women to turn away down a different route and rejoined their group. Kisame still strutted ahead of them. The four soon came to the village square where a market was being held, and set about buying something to eat. They all tried to look like they weren't with Kisame, and most of the stall holders hid when they saw Itachi thumping his scaly hide their way.

Their dealings in the market were interrupted when a group of three men on horseback suddenly galloped into the town, stopping to announce something to the people. The four listened carefully to the commotion that was arising. The men, who looked like army officials, were talking about a camp some ways out of town. Apparently it had been attacked. They required more men, backup as soon as possible. The townspeople were crying out indignantly.

"You've already taken our men!"

"The conscription came through here but yesterday!"

"Please, find another town,"

While the locals argued with the soldiers, Kisame turned to his own group.

"That sounds suspicious, do you think one of our guys was there?" he asked, stroking his chin thoughtfully. Suigetsu chewed at his lip with his longest fang.

"We may as well, we didn't come here without reason," the white haired boy replied.

"Elliott, Karin?" Kisame looked to them. The animal pair nodded. It was true, they probably should go and see what had happened. They finished the food they were holding quickly and made to sneak off while the crowd was still busy. Before they left Itachi had the peace of mind to grab a new bowl for Karin. It was the least he could do.


	11. Chapter Nine, part two

Here it is, the rest of the chapter! There's more singing too, yay! Also, if anyone is interested, I also draw, and have uploaded a few pictures that go along with this story on my deviantart account. I go by BrandNewOrange on there as well, so I should be easy for you to all find :) Thanks to everyone for the support, here's chapter nine part two!

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Naruto, the Akatsuki, Mulan or anything else Disney related

* * *

Sasuke whistled to himself as he took in the destruction. This woman he'd got himself stuck with was damn strong. No wonder she was in the akatsuki. He'd given up trying to talk properly to the blue haired one; however, it seemed she couldn't understand his enthusiastic little chirps.

The fight had been, interesting to say the least. It had started when somebody had thrown something at the female. She was fuming, and when the captain handed her the discs she lost it. From his place on her shoulder he'd watched as she sent out reams of what appeared to be paper from her sleeves. Each piece folded itself into sharp little shuriken, flying at the men with deadly speed and accuracy. As for the arrow, she'd merely leapt to the top of the pole, heavy discs in one hand, and pulled out the offending weapon with the other. It was then aimed back at the captain, as she threw it again, before jumping down and stalking off.

That had been several hours ago. Since then, Sasuke had found himself on a long, quiet journey with the kunoichi. He was somewhat glad, the calm made a change from the noise he usually had to put up with from his own team.

Konan strolled along the pathway whistling to herself. The road was shaded from the sun by splendorous willow trees either side of it, but the sun still kept the atmosphere warm. In one of her hands, she still had one of the stones from the army camp. She figured she'd give it to pain as a gift when she finally ran into him. She was swinging it leisurely on its rope.

The cricket on her shoulder hadn't made much of a noise since she left the camp either. Not that Konan minded, it was a welcome change to the arguments' of the men she usually dealt with. She didn't want to admit it, but she did miss them all. Even if they were idiots and extremely irritating, not to mention childish. She'd never known criminals like her boys. Still, it stood to reason that if she kept moving she'd eventually run into one of them.

Konan couldn't help wondering if the cricket on her shoulder was also a person from her own world, when she'd asked it, it had buzzed loudly and excitedly so she supposed it might be.

Sasuke was delighted when she'd asked, and tried to reply to her. The blue haired woman simply nodded her head in recognition of something. He hopped across to her other shoulder, and spotted something in the distance. Realising it was another group of people he began tugging on a strand of blue hair.

Konan turned to see what the bug was pointing out, ah! More travellers and these ones didn't look like they were part of the army. She stopped and rested by the side of the road. Perhaps they had seen her friends, and she was going to wait there and find out.

* * *

Suigetsu had acquired a pole from somewhere. Originally they had hung Karin's new bowl off the end of it. Suigetsu on the other hand, had different ideas and began to brandish it like his long lost executioner's blade. He was currently swiping it around himself with excited little yelps. Karin, luckily, had been removed, her bowl now dangling from one of the prongs on Kisame's trident.

"Hey, there's someone up ahead," the white haired boy spoke. Kisame and Itachi both looked up to where he was pointing. They could make out a figure sat on top of the little hill, just by the roadside.

"Oh, that looks like someone I know!" Kisame beamed, there was only one person he knew (besides himself of course) with hair of such a hue. Itachi felt a weight in his stomach melt away. If that was Konan, she'd probably be able to realise it was him!

"Konan!" yelled Kisame, waving to the female. She stood up and waved back. Jogging down the hill to meet them.

"Good day Kisame, I trust you are well?" the kunoichi greeted the shark like man. She radiated calm and elegance, and Suigetsu suddenly felt stupid for wearing the seashell bra.

"It's good to see you Konan, we've been searching ages to find someone else," Kisame informed her, "so far it's just been me, Suigetsu and Karin, we did make friends with Elliot here too. What about you?" Suigetsu scuffed his feet on the floor and offered a brief "hello," and Karin emerged over the edge of her bowl to wave a claw at the newcomer. Konan nodded her head at them and turned back to Kisame.

"No, the only other person I've run into is this little cricket, hmm that's odd, he seems to have gone," Konan looked on both her shoulders for the cricket before spotting what was happening between the little jumping bug and the dragon.

Everyone gawped at the spectacle before them. The tiny cricket appeared to be attacking the huge dragon, bouncing right at its eyes. Elliot/Itachi swatted at the nuisance, keeping it away from his face. He was however growing irritated, smoke flaring from his nostrils. There was a flash, and Kisame stepped between them, handing the cricket to Konan, and turning to scold his own companion.

"Now you two better stop this, we have to work together and find our friends. Elliot I'm surprised at you!"

Itachi sighed inwardly. Couldn't Kisame see that the insect was his foolish little brother? What was Konan doing teaming up with the nuisance? Sasuke buzzed angrily, he'd kill Itachi! How dare Suigetsu and Karin travel with him like this and do nothing! The pair off them buzzed and huffed indignantly, their sole existence was to fight each other, couldn't the others see that?

With the distraction of the fight, they all failed to notice Suigetsu had successfully stolen Kisame's trident, and was waving it aloft.

"Ha-ha! Samehada is mine!" the boy whooped with joy. Karin hid at the bottom of her bowl while the others moaned in irritation. Kisame frowned, the boy's idiocy never ceased to amaze him. At first he'd found it adorable, but now it was just irritating. He picked up the discarded pole Suigetsu had been carrying and bopped the younger mist nin on the head with it,

"Bad puppy, down!" he growled. Suigetsu didn't answer, he was unconscious.

* * *

Sometime later the two Uchiha looked at their group incredulously. It appeared Suigetsu's bad habits had spread to the other members of their group, as Karin and Konan were currently leading their march with a song of their own.

"_what do we want?  
a guy worth fighting for!"_ the two females sang loudly. Karin continued with the verse

"_my guy will be so smart and cool  
with pretty bright red eyes"_

"_I'd like a sword instead," _sang Suigetsu interrupting her,  
_"I really do miss mine_"

"no!" sang back the two kunoichi, and Konan took up the song  
_  
"I'll admit it's nice to have nine men always around me  
but then they crush my origami,"_ she frowned, folding a new flower for her hair as Kisame stepped on the one she had originally. The swordsman began to join the song himself at that point

"_I've a girl at home who's unlike any other,_" he proclaimed.

"_yeah, the only girl who'd love him is his mother,_" Suigetsu muttered to Konan slyly. Kisame heard him and frowned dejected. The two girls ignored them both and carried on singing.

"_we only know stupid boys, who play with toys, the kind that we abhor  
what do we want?"_

"_I want Kisame's sword,_" answered Suigetsu

_"wish that we had,  
a guy worth fighting for!  
a guy worth..."_

The whole team was brought to a halt as Itachi stood still in front of them. What the hell was this? In front of them was a square shaped opening that shimmered slightly. Sasuke hopped around it, there was nothing behind it but more road. However this iridescent doorway appeared to lead somewhere else. Like to another world.

Kisame peered through it.

"What do you think?" he asked Konan. She flicked a paper shuriken at it. The shuriken hit the opening and vanished.

"Do you think it's safe?" Karin asked, using a claw to push her glasses up her face.

"Well there's one way to find out," Kisame smirked mischievously.

He pushed Suigetsu through it.


	12. Chapter Ten

Yay for updating! I tried a little harder with this chapter than with my last "Tobi" chapter, thats right, we're back to the little orange fish. I hope this chapter is alright, I tried to stick with the plot of Nemo more than any of the other films here.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto, the Akatsuki, Finding Nemo or anything else Disney related

* * *

Tobi was starting to feel dizzy, he'd been bounced up and down in a little plastic bag for some time now. He wasn't sure he liked this adventure anymore. Swishing his little orange tail he circled around his confined space, somehow managing not to bump into the clear walls of the bag. Without warning he felt the water he was in beginning to stir and slip away from him.

"Waa!" cried the swirly patterned clownfish, desperately flicking his fins against the flow of the water. It was now use however and he soon felt himself slipping away with the liquid.

He fell into the awaiting tank with a resounding "plop" before swimming in a little circle.

"Phew," the fish sighed, he was glad that trip was over. He swam to the edge of the tank and looked out, the room looked like a chamber of torture. He gulped, it looked scarier than the time he'd seen Hidan performing rituals in the bathroom.

"'ello little fella!" a booming voice sounded and Tobi was surprised when a huge face appeared in front of him. He jumped backwards, swimming into an ornamental barrel. He watched as the man walked away, talking to someone else. Cautiously he swam back out, this time to be frightened as a chest opened before his eyes, emitting copious amounts of bubbles.

"My bubbles!" squealed another fish, pouncing at the chest. One by one, other fish in the tank made themselves known. Trying to swim away he was caught in the fin of a puffer fish.

"Slow down, there's nothing to worry about," the bigger fish comforted.

"Have you seen the leader, or Tobi's sempai?" Tobi asked the other fish.

"If you mean your friends then they're probably back at the pet store sweetie," a pink starfish detached itself from the tank wall to tell him.

"The pet store?"

"Yeah, you know where you were bought from," probed another fish, a purple thing with a yellow tail. Tobi cocked his fishy head to the side.

"But Tobi is from the Akatsuki, not a pet store," he piped.

"The Akatsuki?" questioned the puffer. The final fish, a blue and white striped one swam closer.

"Is that like the ocean?" she questioned.

"Tobi was in the ocean for a while," mused the clownfish, "but then that big guy over there caught Tobi and he ended up here,"

"Oh my god oh my god!" the yellow and purple fish began to panic. "Jacques! We need you now!" he called out. Tobi looked to where the other fish was shouting. A small plastic diver's helmet lay embedded at the bottom of the tank. The mask of the helmet swung open revealing a small shrimp. It muttered something in a language Tobi didn't understand, before settling above him. The ninja turned clownfish giggled, he had the sensation of being cleaned all over, and was now spinning in the water. He was brought to an abrupt halt and the shrimp scuttled off into its hiding hole again.

Tobi decided at this point to become rather excited about his new friends, swimming in fast little circles around the tank. The fish found it endearing. However excitement soon turned to panic when the little clownfish felt himself being sucked upwards.

He was now stuck in the tanks filter. He began to wriggle about, scared, how could he escape? The other fish too began to fuss.

"Leave him alone," barked a new voice. Tobi wiggled he fishy body to look at the newcomer. All of the other fish backed away from him. Through the plants in the tank another fish emerged. It was a Moorish idol, Tobi could see its black and white face was scarred. "Let the kid escape on his own," the mysterious new fish commanded the others.

"But, Tobi's fin doesn't work!" Tobi protested. The fish looked at him and swan so that Tobi could see his own fins. They too were scarred and damaged.

"It never stopped me," the fish stated. Tobi stared at him, inspired. He began to flip his tail faster and move his body more until eventually

Pop!

He was free! The other fish began to cheer for him. He looked to their leader like a puppy, a silly smirk on his fishy face.

"Tobi did it!" he cried with joy, "Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi was almost surprised to find that instead of the usual cringes, and protests to be quiet, the other inhabitants of the tank crowded around him to praise his efforts. Tobi was a happy fish. While the others surrounded him, he didn't pay much notice to the fact that the Moorish idol and the starfish were talking in hushed tones to each other.

* * *

Out in the ocean, a crocodile surfaced. It had an annoyed expression on its oddly marked face. Had the ships and shipwrecks it appeared between been inhabited, then perhaps one of the people may have remarked on the oddity of seeing such a creature so far out to sea. However, all the people were either gone or dead. So nothing was spoken about the matter.

Zetsu swished his scaly tail in the water as he explored the debris of the fight. Various flotsam and jetsam had clouded his views below the water, so he'd needed to surface to see more. He was sure he'd sensed Kakuzu in this area at some point. He also assumed Deidara had been past this area too, as chunks of charred clay stuck to the hulls of some boats.

"**Tick,** we're not near anybody I'm not saying tock. **Aww you're no fun**," Zetsu argued with himself amongst the wreckage. Another member of the akatsuki may have grown lonely the amount of chasing he'd had to do. Having found he could no longer get to the island Zetsu had been attempting to find other members of the akatsuki. He was currently working on following Deidara and Sasori, but he couldn't quite catch up. Luckily, his split personality was always there to keep him company.

An arm floated past and he snapped at it hungrily. He could just make out a ship moving in the distance, and jumped off the bough of the boat to chase it.

* * *

Back in the fish tank, Tobi found himself at the heart of another adventure. The other fish had thrown him through a volcano of bubbled, and were currently celebrating something. The leader fish, whose name was gill, had taken him off to one side. He was currently explaining something to Tobi about an escape plan. Tobi however wasn't listening. He'd been distracted by a shiny pebble at the bottom of the tank and was edging towards it slowly.

Then, like a cat, the clownfish pounced. He toyed with the pebble, flicking it in the water between his fins. Eventually he batted at it with his tail. This caused the pebble to go flying, straight into the filtration unit.

"Oops," Tobi whispered, as a large clanking sounded through the tank. The whirring noise of the filter stopped, as did the movement of the water in the tank.

"You did it Tobi!" gill cried out happily. The other fish cheered again. Tobi, quite unsure of what was occurring beamed like the idiot he was.

"Tobi is a good boy?"

* * *

"Tick **tock**! Tick **tock**, oh for Pete's sake will you stop?" Zetsu called out to the galleon as he drew alongside it. A tanned face appeared over the side, and stared at the water.

"Did any of you hear anything?" Kakuzu's deep voice called out as the face disappeared again.

"No, un"

"I'm sorry Kakuzu I couldn't hear over the brat's _art_,"

"Oh Sasori no Danna! You admit it's art?"

"That was sarcasm you moron,"

"Will you two shut the fuck up? Seriously Kakuzu, you're hearing shit in your old age,"

"We're down here! **Now help us up or we will eat you when we get out of this mess**," Zetsu shouted up again. This time all four faces appeared over the side of the ship.

"I swear I heard the plant asshole, but all I can see is a crocodile," Hidan frowned.

"Hi Zetsu, found anyone, un?" Deidara called down. Hidan looked at the crocodile again. He noticed its scary yellow eyes and odd colouring. Jashin damn it that was Zetsu! Kakuzu took the initiative and let down a rope for the croc to snap his jaw onto. They all heaved and pulled up their comrade.

"Tick, **tock,**" panted Zetsu, dizzy from being swung in the air.

"This is seriously fucked," Hidan decided to announce. Kakuzu shot him a scathing look, he didn't need Hidan's commentary on everything.

"So," Deidara asked again, "have you heard anything about anyone?"

The crocodile shook his head and lay back on the deck. Kakuzu brushed his beaded hair out of his face and put a hand on his hip. This was all very strange to him. Hidan had decided to ignore the croc and was currently finding pirate weapons to impale himself with.

"Hmm, well Zetsu may not have found anything, but I think you may all be in trouble," Sasori spoke calmly from the front of the ship. Everyone but Zetsu ran over to where he was looking, a giant waterfall had opened up beneath them.

"Oh crap," Hidan cursed. For once his partner agreed with him.

"My sentiments exactly."


	13. Chapter Eleven

hello :) Here's the newest chapter of finding Tobi. I have a guilty secret to admit with this chapter. The other day I was watching POTC and kept imagining Kakuzu in Jack's place. Oh the shame, I'm such a terrible terrible fangirl, that I would replace Johnny Depp with Kakuzu. So, there was more pirate Kakuzu for me, and here, is some more pirate kakuzu for you all. hope you enjoy it.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Naruto, the Akatsuki, Pirates of the Caribbean, Bambi, or anything else Disney related.

* * *

The five akatsuki members stared down into the steely abyss of the waterfall. Sasori, having been able to fly himself had grabbed Zetsu from the deck with the aid of a few chakra strings and shot into the air. Deidara, Hidan and Kakuzu had only just made it out. The blonde bomber had ended up using half of his clay to make a large owl quickly and he'd just managed to jump on it. Kakuzu acting hurriedly had shot out some threads after the clay creation, attaching himself to the safety of Deidara's sculpture. He'd also stupidly decided to save Hidan with another of his threads.

The immortal was currently dangling several feet below them all swearing loudly and swinging in the breeze. The huge waterfall roared beneath them.

"well, that was lucky, un" Deidara commented stupid. Sasori threw his hat at him.

"Tick **tock**," Zetsu agreed meekly.

"Why on earth does Zetsu keep saying tick tock?" asked Kakuzu, pulling himself and Hidan up onto the back of the owl. Deidara shifted to let them on.

"It's because you're a pirate, the world Sasori was in had pirates too. it's supposed to be some sort of warning," the blonde explained. Kakuzu nodded slowly, the decorations about his person tinkled gently.

"Well this is fucked up," pouted Hidan, settling back at the tail end of the bird. "where in Jashin's name are we supposed to go to now,"

"I'm not going anywhere in Jashin's name," Kakuzu snapped at him. Sasori decided to interrupt them with a loud cough before the argument could get worse. The three on the bird looked at him.

"We may have to go down the waterfall," he stated calmly.

"Huh? But why Danna?" Deidara looked puzzled.

"If you care to look, there appears to be a portal at its base. Perhaps we must pass through it to find the others." Explained the redhead.

"That makes sense," agreed Kakuzu. He didn't mind what they did so long as his treasure was safe. Although his snazzy pirate hat had fallen off in the confusion and he had a mild compulsion to see it again.

"No way, no fucking way," Hidan began to protest.

"Well, there is another reason besides the portal," Sasori deadpanned, "I just dropped Zetsu,"

"What?" shrieked Deidara, grabbing his sides as he laughed. The zombie twins stared over the side of his bird. Sure enough they could see something that was not water rippling at the bottom. They could just make out a green blur falling away before it vanished at the surface of the ripples.

"You're first on my menu puppet boy!" Zetsu's angry voices called out in unison.

* * *

Itachi scowled in the way only an Uchiha can. He'd been forced to the back of the group, while the cricket that was his brother was at the front with Konan. It wasn't his fault the stupid buy insisted on trying to kill him at every opportunity. Every now and then Suigetsu would bounce across their path with some cute woodland creatures. The white haired swordsman had hit his head when Kisame had pushed him through the portal and he'd been exceptionally perky every since. At least he wasn't singing now. Itachi didn't think he could handle that at Kisame's inane chattering. Oh sure, he'd been flattered at first. The conversation, if you could call it that, had been about him. It still was about him. He was now worried that his sharky friend had an unhealthy obsession with him, and wondered what was going to happen once he reverted back to his human form. If he reverted back to his human form that is.

At that moment the younger of the two swordsmen decided it was time to bound after a herd of deer, right across their path. It made Kisame jump, and as he was holding Karin's bowl, the water in it splashed upwards and out onto Itachi. Startled at the water he let out a jet of fire which incinerated a small bush. Karin pushed herself up on her claws and peered over the top of the bowl.

"Suigetsu, will you cut that out?" she shrieked, "we do not need another Juugo in our group!"

Suigetsu, entranced by the burning bush merely stared at her, his eyes full of wonder. Itachi could hear his brother chirping something from Konan's shoulder at the front of the group. Konan in turn began to pet and speak in soothing tones to the little insect. Kisame continued walking as if nothing had happened.

* * *

They were on a beach. Chunks of wood and fishing nets littered the shoreline and a great dune of sand rose up behind them. The air was dry and the sky bright and cloudless. It was odd as no matter where he looked Kakuzu could not see the sun. His four companions lay against the sand dune. Zetsu, Deidara and Hidan were all panting heavily as they rested on the fine white shore. Sasori seemed to just be sat down for something to do.

Kakuzu decided he'd climb up to the top of the dune, see where they could go next. He checked his pockets as he climbed. Yes! His little pouch was still tucked into his waistcoat. He pulled it out, just to reassure himself his money was safe. It was odd, the little packet seemed lighter, and softer than before. Reaching the top of the sandy hill, he pulled the drawstring and began to empty it onto his hand. It was filled with sand. Sand and nothing but sand! He allowed every last grain to trickle out onto his hand, frozen with shock.

The other members of his group were surprised and jumped up for action when they heard and almighty groan of anguish from high above them. Hidan spun around and saw his partner at the top of the dune before laughing.

"My money!" wailed Kakuzu, dropping to his knees and clutching his head in his hands, "my beautiful treasure is all gone!"

"Ha, serves you right, you tight fisted old bastard," the religious one screamed back at him.

Kakuzu continued to cry while the others lay back down on the sand. They'd deserved a rest. As his sobbing drew to a close he struggled to his feet and hobbled down the other side of the dune. He stopped as he stumbled forwards onto something soft. A bed? Before him lay a worn, battered, leather hat. The very one he had lost. Suddenly his money didn't matter anymore as he snatched up the headgear. Smugly he pulled it onto his head, and sank back onto the bed.

He almost allowed himself to doze off, staring out across the desert that lay before him. He blinked a few times. Was that rock there before? He blinked again. Now there were even more rocks.

Being in the Akatsuki certainly prepared Kakuzu for seeing weird things. The thing he was about to witness was one of those events any normal person may have been shocked by. Kakuzu however sat back with a tired smile on his stitched face.

One of the rocks stood up. Several others followed suit. They began to click and creak, before the entire ground was made up of the strange creature. All at once the rock split, stony claws stretching out of their hard little bodies. They were crabs made of rock. They little beings surged forwards and Kakuzu felt his bed lurch with them. They all tumbled upwards and over the sand, towards the crest of the dune.

On the other side the rest of the group watched as tiny crabs began to march over the hill towards them. The first few had been slightly amusing, especially as they watched Zetsu scampering around on his belly trying to eat them. Now the gigantic tidal wave of rocky crustacean was heading straight for them. Hidan and Deidara were felled backwards, not enjoying their ride on the crabs. Sasori calmly jumped out of there way and flew over to Kakuzu on the bed. Seeing a tongued hand he pulled his partner from the onslaught of crabs. Hidan managed to pull himself aboard the bed too, while Zetsu snapped his jaws around the bedding. Kakuzu was clutching his hat as their new vehicle stormed onwards.

* * *

Kisame's group seemed to go only deeper into the never ending forest. All about them gathered more and more animals, much to their irritation. So far the group of hardened criminals had fled, deer after deer, a rabbit, a skunk, more rabbits, the skunk again, and a possum. They had eventually come across a clearing and settled there for a rest. Suigetsu, no longer concussed from Kisame's rough treatment was sat on the other side of the clearing to them all, pouting and scowling at the blue man every few minutes. Konan had pulled out several sheets of paper and was attempting to recreate the flowers around them from the origami. Sasuke watched intently. Kisame set down the bowl he was carrying on the forest floor and Karin popped out for a scuttle around. Itachi began to amuse himself blowing smoke rings.

They all stopped these activities however, when the bluebirds tweeting nearby ceased. There was an odd whistling noise, and the terrifying yells of grown men coming from somewhere. They all watched enthralled as a shadow began to form at the centre of the clearing. The whistling and roaring grew louder, as the shadow grew larger and darker.

A blur of white shot past their eyes, and a thumping crash scared the remaining wildlife from the area. Kisame and Konan stood and began to walk towards the bed. Suigetsu on the other hand had snatched up one of the rocky crabs that had fallen from the bed.

"Look Karin!" he proclaimed, "I found you a boyfriend!"

"Shut up you stupid fish boy!" she shrieked back, latching onto him with a sharp claw. The others were still looking at the bed where it's inhabitants were disentangling themselves from one another.

"Tick**, tock**"

"Watch my hat!"

"Shut the fuck up about your Jashin damned hat,"

"Brat, take your foot out of my ass,"

"Danna! I tore my dress, un!"


	14. Chapter Twelve

Another pretty short chapter. This is more just a link between the last and the next that I wanted to do but couldn't work into either chapter. I had to retype the entire thing too as I accidentally deleted the entire file just before i finished it. Still, it's here now, which can only be a good thing, right? Also, I'm ridiculously happy as they finally got to the deidara and sasuke fight in shippuden! yay! I feel like I've been waiting forever :) Enough about me, here's chapter twelve

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, the Akatsuki or anything Disney related.

* * *

Konan stared speechless at the sight before her. Itachi, knowing that nobody recognised him, allowed himself to laugh at the four men sprawled across the old bed. Then he spotted Zetsu and laughed louder, his dragony tones resounding through the forest. Suigetsu hadn't really let the situation sink in. He'd freed himself from the painful grip of Karin's pincers and thrown her to the floor, knocking the crab out. Kisame on the other had was laughing the loudest of them all. He clutched his sides, tears running down his fishy face.

"You, you guys are wearing skirts!" he guffawed, "and tights! And what is with that girly shirt Kakuzu?" Kakuzu glared at him, Hidan swore at him, Sasori ignored him and Deidara was incensed.

"It's not like we chose this, un," he yelled at the swordsman, " so shut the hell up, we don't make fun of you for having blue skin,"

"Not to his face," Hidan whispered to Kakuzu.

"Wait, wait, wait," Suigetsu but in, "you're a guy?"

"Of course I'm a guy you bra wearing freak!" Deidara seethed.

"Oh, it's just, the hair, and the long cloak sort of hides things, and that dress," Suigetsu stammered out. Deidara's temper continued to rage, until he just burst into tears. He tried to lean on Sasori's shoulder as he did so, only to be pushed onto the ground by the irate redhead.

"If I said you looked pretty in the dress would it cheer you up?" the white haired one said weakly. It was a valiant effort to try and quieten the blonde's ear splitting sobs. Sasori glared at Suigetsu.

"Don't even try it brat," he spat at the boy. Ignoring Deidara's wails the rest of the Akatsuki gathered around Konan.

"So boys," she began, "I'm going to assume that some of you have worked out that we are no longer in our own world and are travelling through several different ones. We still have three members to find, and I suspect if we find Tobi we'll be able to get back home." Several of the others grimaced at the sound of the masked man's name.

"Well then, I suggest we all try to find a way into the next world," the blue haired kunoichi spoke calmly.

"Yeah, but how the fuck are we supposed to do that?" Hidan grumbled, "that shitty excuse for a bed has disappeared now," they all looked around. Sure enough the double bed had vanished once again.

"Then we should walk," Sasori suggested, "in my experience whenever we've kept walking or flying, without the bed, we pass into new worlds. My guess is that the others aren't here in this world, and so we should keep moving to find them." Suigetsu and Kisame nodded in agreement, they'd had a similar experience. Hidan grimaced.

"Fuck walking, this leather chafes you know," he sneered. Kakuzu quirked his eyebrow up, fighting his gut reaction to make a nasty comment at this. Itachi began to snicker at this, small tendrils of smoke winding into the air from his nostrils.

"Fine, you can stay here then, un" Deidara had seemingly perked up and rejoined them. Hidan opened his mouth to protest, but found the others had already marched off.

"Lousy bastards," he cursed to himself, jogging to catch up.

* * *

They were a funny sight to behold several hours later, marching down an ever changing pathway. Deidara and Sasori were in the skies, avoiding everyone. Konan was at the front of the group, Sasuke dozing on her shoulder, while Kisame strode along proudly next to her. Itachi and Zetsu came nest, plodding along in silence, each green creature eyeing the other up warily. Kakuzu and Hidan followed. Kakuzu was trying to walk ahead of Hidan, and failing. This was as the Jashinist was doing what he did best, swearing, complaining and generally being a nuisance. Suigetsu brought up the rear of the group, Karin's bowl in his arms. He had actually been talking to her, but only because his team-mate was passed out, and no one was paying any attention to him.

It was then the next curious event of their little excursion occurred. Kakuzu stopped walking. He came to an abrupt halt, fed up with Hidan's constant bitching. Hidan, seeing him stop had also stopped and was now getting up in Kakuzu's face. In less than a second, the stitched man had pulled something from one of his many belts, pointed it at Hidan without even looking, and something exploded. There was a loud bang and everyone looked at the blonde.

"It wasn't me it was Kakuzu!" protested the bomber. Suigetsu who had seen the whole thing was amazed. Deidara and Sasori came to a land beside the tall man, the blonde's eyes shining at the new toy.

"It explodes!" he squealed in admiration. Sasori looked curiously at the weapon, as did the others, none of them had ever heard of a gun before, let alone come across one like this.

"What the fuck is that 'kuzu," Hidan groaned, standing back up. There was an open wound in his chest. They all shrugged it off, this was a minor thing for the immortal. "it hurt so fucking bad...do it again?"

Kakuzu scowled at him and shoved the gun back into his belt. The damn thing had only made the other worse. Seeing as he refused to speak, the others left Kakuzu to it and they continued their march. None of them were surprised when the trees around them began to blend into one that were well maintained, and uniform. The background became altogether more industrial, and they realised quickly, they were moving on to the next world.


	15. Chapter Thirteen

So! I think this may just be the penultimate chapter of Finding Tobi! Has anyone been wondering where Pain was, and when he would appear? Because it's about to be revealed! Sorry I took so long in getting this chapter out. I had a lot of shit happen this past week, and I originally planned for this to be out on Sunday. I won't go into any detail about that, but I will say expect a bit of a wait between this and the next chapter. Hope you guys enjoy this  
Orange

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Naruto, the Akatsuki, Mary Poppins or anything Disney related.

* * *

Screw being God. Pain had found a better calling in his life. The people in this city all spoke with adorable little accents. He could put up with them calling him Bert all day long. Why could he put up with this?

Well for starters, he seemed to have every single skill he wanted. Work was easy and he earned money any way he wanted to. If he wanted to draw on the street with chalk, he could; if he wanted to sweep chimneys and hold rooftop dance contests, he could; and if he wanted to become a one man band (and make no mistake Pain always entertained the idea of being a one man band) then he could. It was the life! Not to mention he was never short of friends. People who were actually pleased to see him had entered his life now.

There were no incessant whines, constant arguments, money worries, bomb worries or any of the troubles he had as part of the Akatsuki. Sure, he'd miss Konan, but since coming here there was this new woman called Mary, and she seemed to be pretty interested. Overall life was pretty sweet for the Akatsuki leader.

He chuckled to himself as he scooped a helping of roasted chestnuts into a paper bag for a customer. He twisted the bag closed and accepted the few copper coins from the man, who nodded to him and walked on. It turned out Tobi's idea may have been a good one after all. He didn't really care too much where his team had gone. Had he admitted that out loud to anyone else, he would live to regret it.

* * *

Konan held her head high. The ragtag group of assassins had been procuring dirty looks and whispered remarks the entire time they'd been in this city. After passing through its industrial sector they were now in the midst of the suburbs. All around them men wore suits, and women dresses in overly long, formal dresses. It was all very prim and proper. Konan didn't really care much for this, but what she did mind was that she, of all the people in her group was the one getting the worst remarks,

"Must be one of those suffragettes."

"Those women should know their place,"

"How dare she wear such things"

She found it astounding that people were complaining about her leggings when she was with Deidara and Hidan of all people. Itachi had reverted to his invisibility as the strolled by the large fencing of what appeared to be a leafy green park. Strangely enough, nobody seemed to notice that Kisame had blue skin, nor Suigetsu's clothing. As for Zetsu, she couldn't fathom how they were getting away with that one. Perhaps the people thought they were from the circus or something. Kakuzu's behaviour had become very strange indeed. After realising his new toy was something he could threaten Hidan with he took to rolling around objects and jumping at people, pointing the gun in their faces and laughing maniacally. And the others thought he was the mature one.

"Who do you think we will find in this world?" Sasori spoke quietly from the young woman's side. Kisame had heard him ask and put forward his opinion.

"I hope its Itachi!" the shark man grinned. Beside him, the invisible dragon made a clicking noise. "Yes Elliott! I'm excited too!" Kisame answered Itachi. He grunted in response.

"Ooh! Kites" squealed a voice behind them. Suigetsu was looking across the street. In front of the group was a hug park, upon its lawn stood people of all ages, flying the colourful objects high. Without waiting for anyone else he ran off in the direction of the park.

"Sasori no Danna, that looks so artistic, we should go and join in," Deidara cried in joy. He grabbed Sasori's hand and pulled him after the younger swordsman.

"Don't you wish you didn't have to be seen with them? **We can take care of that you know**," Zetsu smirked from behind Konan. It sent a shiver down her spine as she shook her head at the crocodile. "**Your loss**"

"We'd better fucking follow them," Hidan sighed, steering the crazed Kakuzu towards the park. With some reluctance the rest of the group went after them.

* * *

Pain had discarded his chestnut stand in favour of selling kites. The high winds today had made it the perfect day for flying the toys. He'd just sold a beautiful red kite with a multicoloured ribbon tail to one of the children Mary Poppins watched. He was now attempting to chat up the babysitter.

"Oh my Bert," the prim lady exclaimed, looking over his shoulder, "have you ever seen such a curious group?"

Pain looked around. Oh shit. He had seen such a curious group. He couldn't even blink before the white haired boy that liked to fight Kisame was on top of him, snatching one of his kites and running off again.

"Time for your flying lesson Karin!" it cackled

"Suigetsu! You ass, let me go!" wailed Karin.

Pain had barely gotten off the floor when he was tackled again by the bomber in blue.

"Look Danna, un! Look who I found!" Deidara proclaimed loudly to his partner.

"Well done brat," Sasori sighed, thoroughly unimpressed.

"Bert, you certainly are a popular gentleman today," quipped Mary, "come along children, we have a kite to fly," the nanny grabbed her dress in one hand and used the other to lead away her young charges. And then Konan arrived.

"Who was she?" she glared at Pain, her tone icy.

"That, that was just a lady, no one special," Pain lied nervously, trying to save his skin. Konan evidently didn't believe him, but grabbed onto his hand.

"Oh well then. Now that we've found you we can get on to the next world. I wonder where the portal will be this time," the blue haired female trilled briskly. Pain yanked his hand back out of her grasp as the rest of the group gathered around him. He tried to ignore their odd clothing as he protested.

"No way, I'm not leaving," he told his blue haired partner firmly.

"What do you mean you aren't leaving? Pain, we have a job to do, we still need to find Tobi and Itachi. You acting like this isn't helping," Konan countered.

"What do you mean?" the orange haired man answered, "Itachi is stood right there," he nodded to indicate the dragon. Everyone else stared at him. Deidara was the first to move, pointing and laughing.

"Ha ha, man and I thought I looked stupid!" he brayed. Itachi harrumphed indignantly, his expression sour. Kisame was speechless, and had begun to blush, changing his skin to an odd purple tone.

"Yeah Itachi is the dragon and his kid brother is that bug sat on your shoulder. Didn't you guys realise that?"

"You know what, that doesn't matter, you're coming with us. We have a mission that was your idea. Or did you forget that?" Konan argued.

"I didn't forget," their leader shrugged, "but I'm happier in this world, it's peaceful and I can do anything I want. If I wanted to be a chimney sweep I could, if I wanted to be a cart driver I could. I'm jack of all trades Konan, it's wonderful,"

The sounds of music seemed to permeate the air, as the pierced man stepped away from them. Suigetsu ears pricked up, he wanted in on this. He sprinted over letting the kite he'd had float down to the floor.

"_when trying to find peace Konan, it's simply quite absurd  
relying on immortal men, or one who flies on birds  
I've noticed catching bijou, is wearing pretty thin  
cause we all need a change of pace, from the world we were in_

_it's supercalifragilisticexpialidocious  
even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious  
if you say it loud enough you'll always sound precocious  
supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!"  
_

Pain sang merrily, tap dancing around them as he did so. Some of the others were banging their heads against nearby objects. Not another song. Suigetsu was grinning widely, ready to join in.

"_oh I used to go out training when I was just a lad  
my brother taught me of the swords and for that I was glad  
but then Mangetsu died y'see and I was all alone  
from that day on I changed my quest and this is how it goes!"  
_

Pain linked arms with the boy they sang once more.

_"oh supercalifragili-"_

"No!" screamed Konan. "I've had enough of your singing. Boys we are going to find Tobi, we are going home to our base, and you three," she pointed to the taka members, "are getting the hell away from me,"

Everyone stared at her little tantrum. Several people in the park were looking at her too. it was embarrassing. Until Konan saw that woman with those horrible children again. She'd had enough.

"Pain, you have five more minutes, get your things sorted you are coming with us or you and I are through," she threatened. Pain shook his head childishly, throwing a tantrum of his own.

"Right then," Konan spoke decisively. "Deidara, do your thing on that woman over there; Hidan, Kakuzu, those kids said Jashin sucks and tried to steal your hat; Kisame just use that pointy forky thingy you have ok?"

Not wanting to risk her wrath the men immediately sprang to de her bidding. Deidara was bombing like his life depended on it. Hidan was yelling out his religion's scriptures (complete with curse words) as he impaled a child on a railing.

"Nobody touches my hat!" Kakuzu let out an almighty yell, discharging his gun into the air angrily. Kisame looked from his trident to Suigetsu and tripped him up. He hoped that would satiate the blue haired kunoichi. Said female was currently standing over her whimpering boyfriend, sheets of paper in hand. Pain cowered, paper cuts were his only fear.

"I give in, we'll go, we'll go!" he cried out, covering his head with his arms. Konan backed off and smiled sweetly.

"I knew you would see it my way."


	16. Chapter Fourteen

This is it. It's over, done, finally finished. And I'm so sad it had to end! I've loved writing this, and I want to thank everyone that's reviewed, favourited or subscribed to this story. It's been a massive encouragement, and I never thought I'd finish a multi-chapter story. If you've enjoyed this I'm working on several other multi-chapter things at the moment, though I can't promise they will be as funny. Thank you for reading!  
Orange

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Naruto, the Akatsuki, Finding Nemo or anything else Disney related

* * *

The Akatsuki, Suigetsu, Karin and Sasuke were all seated on a bandstand in the middle of the park. Once their attack on London had calmed down, the group had rigorously combed the area for any sign of a way to the next world. It proved fruitless, and now it was growing dark.

"Doesn't anyone have any ideas?" Konan asked them for about the thirtieth time that hour. The others hung their heads in shame. Kisame had blathered on about the strange bed again, but the others had rubbished that idea. Of course the only reason for that was every bed in ever Jashin damned house around had exactly the same type of bed in it.

Pain, growing bored of his subordinates took some chalk from his pocket and began to draw on the floor. Sasori and Deidara watched him slightly amused.

"That's pretty good, un" the blonde nodded at the scene that flowed from the man's chalk.

"Yeah, it's weird, I only have white chalk, but whenever I scribble with it these pictures come out," Pain admitted, not looking up. The others had begun to gather now and stared down at the little scene he was illustrating.

"Really?" Suigetsu leaned in close, clearly intrigued.

"Yep," Pain answered, "what's even weirder is when I showed Ma-" a glare from Konan made him catch what he was saying, "when I showed a friend, we could go to another place."

"Pain?" Konan asked in a tone that was far too sweet.

"Yes dear?" Pain panicked, what had he done wrong this time.

"Pain, you mean to tell me that you can draw portals to other worlds, something we have been trying to find all day, and you didn't tell us?" Konan's look was fierce, it was paper cut time. The pierced man's expression was curious as the realisation spread across it.

"Hey, uh, why don't I draw a picture and see if that takes us to Tobi?" he suggested brightly. The others shook their head at him.

"Yes, I think it's best you do that," Konan replied folding her arms.

* * *

The tank was filthy. Tobi could hardly see out of its sides anymore, it was so thick with green scum. The only fish who seemed bothered by this was the purple and yellow thing. But that guy seemed bothered by everything Tobi reasoned. The orange annoyance was currently pestering, peach the eBay starfish.

"And sempai's partner is Sasori, he's real grumpy! Especially when sempai..."

"Look kid, it's all very interesting, but I'm trying to watch the dentist give this guy a root canal," the pink star interrupted, trying to wave Tobi away. Tobi's smile didn't fade as he swam off to find Gill. The Moorish idol never seemed to tire of his presence.

"How're you doing kid?" the old fish asked Tobi as he swam cheerfully around the tank.

"Tobi is a good boy!" the clownfish replied predictably. "but Tobi is missing Zetsu and sempai and all Tobi's friends." The idiot's permanently happy face dropped a little at the end of the sentence, but perked up again as the black and white fish put a fin around him.

"Don't worry kid, soon we'll be outta the tank when it gets cleaned and heading for the big blue," Gill said. His eyes were glazed over dreamily. Tobi wasn't really listening, he was thinking about seeing Zetsu. Gill's black and white stripes had reminded him of his two toned master. He swam over to the side of the tank and mopped a little of the green scum away, gazing out beyond the window.

* * *

The picture had led them all back to the ocean. Upon stepping into it, the group was separated again. There were two rowboats and a pirate ship floating on the waves. Kakuzu, Hidan and Itachi had landed aboard it. Sasori and Deidara had landed in one of the smaller vessels while Pain, Konan and Sasuke had landed in the other. Kisame, Suigetsu, Karin and Zetsu were in the water, floating leisurely on its surface. For some reason, Kisame and Suigetsu found that their mermaid tails had returned. The younger swordsman splashed his around happily.

"You all know the plan right?" Pain said authoritatively, trying to reinstate his lapse of control on the group. They all nodded at him. Deidara and Sasori jumped out of their own little boat, heading skyward, they'd be searching from the air. Kakuzu, Hidan and Itachi would lead their way on the surface of the water, while Pain and Konan followed behind in their little rowboat. Suigetsu Kisame and Karin would be searching underwater, but still keeping an eye on the ships above, and Zetsu would be relaying information between all of the teams. In the far distance a very narrow grey strip signalled land. That's the way they would all be heading. Pain gave his signal and the teams set off.

"I can't wait to get out of this dress, un" Deidara commented to his partner happily. Sasori answered him with a blank look and circled the clay bird a few times. They soared through the air at a slow pace, pausing either to hover momentarily, or circle back and down to keep close with the rest of the group.

"You can watch me burn it if you like, it'll be so artistic Danna," Deidara spoke again.

"You brat, how many times do I have to tell you that art is eternal?" he snapped, breaking his silence.

* * *

Down below the others could hear the artists arguing and sighed. On the pirate ship Hidan turned to Itachi and laughed.

"Who the fuck would guessed it was you under there, huh?" he teased. Itachi swiped his scaly tale at the immortal who laughed even harder. Kakuzu grunted ignoring the younger members and steering his ship through the calm waters. He twirled the large wheel in his hands happily. If there were air in the sails they could have gone faster and get this nightmare over with already. A thought struck the old man. Hot air made things move!

"Hey Itachi, think you could blow some of that smoke into the sails?" the old ninja called out to his younger comrade. Itachi didn't answer, as he was setting fire to Hidan. While the white haired one screamed pleasure through his pain, the smoke coming off the pair of them filled the sails, propelling the ship through the water. Perfect.

* * *

"Dude, it was like whoa, and then whoa, like whoa totally,"

"Oh dude, you know like, whoa? dude?"

"Dude"

"Sweet"

Kisame and Karin looked from Suigetsu to the turtle. Apparently they were talking to each other. The blue man thought it a very odd sight to behold. He also wondered if he could converse with sea creatures at will. He did look like one after all.

"It was most excellent my man," the turtle nodded at the mermaid.

"Awesome dude," Suigetsu grinned back at the creature.

There was a whoosh and several more turtles zoomed past Karin and Kisame, diving straight for the other turtle. They were much smaller in comparison. They hung back while the white haired boy discussed something with the animals, before it looked like he was ready to go.

"Remember you gotta rinse it, roll it and punch it dude!" came a little squeak from the smallest turtle. Suigetsu gave the animal a thumbs up.

"Lay some fin on me dude," the boy slapped his tail fins against that of the older turtle.

"Yo, noggin," the turtle replied and the pair bumped their heads together stupidly.

"Dude" they let out slowly and happily before waving and swimming away from each other.

"So, what did you and the moron turtle discuss," Karin snipped icily. Suigetsu scowled at her,

"Have some respect for your elders Karin, he's over a hundred and fifty," he turned to Kisame, his sharp teeth stretched in a wide grin, "got us some info on your friend."

* * *

Pain leisurely shifted the oars through the water, and the little boat glided along. Konan was stretched out at the other end, regarding her man happily. From his perch on her shoulder, Sasuke began to wonder which one was the real leader her. He'd have voiced this but nobody seemed to understand his chirping. Konan sat up as she felt Pain slow the boat slightly. A large shape was looming in the water next to the boat. As they stopped, so did Zetsu, finally breaking the ocean's surface.

"Just got this from Kisame's team. **They could have given us something more useful. Like one of those tasty little turtles**. You know the shell on those things are impossible." The crocodile handed the orange haired one an object before submerging again, arguing with himself about seafood.

The two akatsuki and the little cricket regarded the object curiously. It appeared to be a pair of goggles. There was an address inked onto the back of the strap. They straightened the strap out and looked it over, the ink had run slightly with the damp, but the wording was still legible. This must be where Tobi was. It was time to get their masked moron back.

* * *

The tank fish were depressed. They'd all awoken to find the scum from their home was gone. The dentist had installed a new tank filter overnight, and it had been hard at work by the looks of things.

"Does this mean Tobi won't get to see sempai again?" mused the little orange fish sadly. His question was answered sooner than he anticipated as there was suddenly a massive commotion about the tank. The dentist, and his patient, had jumped to their feet in shock. The fish watched the drama unfold through the glass.

"Now see here mate," the dentist began, only to be met with a face full of fist. His patient ran from the room in fear. The man who'd punched the dentist cracked his knuckles before shouting.

"So, where the fuck is the little shit?" Hidan said. Deidara stormed into the room angrily and began looking about for the errant member.

"Tobi! Show yourself now, un? I am sick of wearing this shit! You have a lot to answer for, un!" he yelled. Tobi watched, the tears of sadness he had turning into ones of joy. His friends had arrived! All of the fish looked horrified to see the team piling into the dentists room. First the albino in leather, then the man in the blue dress, holding a dirty apron in one had. Then there was the redhead, wearing skin-tight lime green, and sitting comfortably in the dentist's chair. He was followed by two calm people, a female with blue hair, and a man with blue skin. Hanging off the blue skinned one was a grinning white haired mermaid, and what appeared to be a crab in glasses. There was also a sad looking man dressed in old fashioned clothing, but many piercings. He was followed by the most crazed looking, a tanned pirate firing a gun into the air randomly.

The puffer fish looked to the other side of the tank in the waiting room. Apparently they'd left their pets, a dragon and a two toned crocodile, in the vicinity. Tobi was waving his fins happily at them all.

"Sempai! Tobi is here sempai!" he called out.

The akatsuki stopped their search for him and glanced over at the tank. Was that clownfish waving at them? And talking? Now that they thought about it those swirls looked familiar.

Pain acted quickly, grabbing a cup from the dentists equipment and fishing Tobi from the tank.

"Tobi, what the hell is going on?" the leader asked him.

"Tobi was just trying to help. Tobi thought if he gave you the magical bedknob then you could just wish for all the bijou," the fish supplied.

"So that magic bedknob granted our wishes? And that was how we all found each other?" Konan spoke, but really only to herself. Tobi nodded.

"How do we get out of this?" the orange haired man asked the fish.

"Tobi! You'd better tell him, I am not happy with wearing this dress any longer!" Deidara interrupted, waving the last of his clay threateningly. Tobi squeaked and splashed away from the mad bomber, inadvertently getting some water on Kakuzu's headgear.

"Nobody touches my hat!" the stitched one yelled insanely, letting another round loose into the air. Tobi swam to the bottom of his cup in fear.

"You just need to find the bedknob! Tobi is sorry!" they heard the little fish squeal, terrified.

Out in the waiting room, Itachi eyed a small object under the coffee table. Huh, it was really that easy. They should have wished for home all along. He grabbed the bedknob from where he'd spotted it, glad of the luck they seemed to be having. He let out a final puff of smoke, before thinking fondly.

Nothing happened.

"You're doing it wrong!" Tobi scolded in his cup of water. You need the magic words.

"Which are?" pressed the others.

"Treguna Mekoides Trecorum Satis Dee"

And suddenly, they were home.

**THE END**


	17. Epilogue

It had been a month since the spell's reversal. Team Taka still hadn't outgrown the side effects. The most obvious of course being Suigetsu's eagerness to sing at every opportunity.

Sasuke and Karin had once caught him auditioning for a musical at one of the villages they stopped in. Wanting to satiate the boy, and shut him up for the most part, they'd sat through a performance one night at dinner. The white haired boy sang his little heart out, donning his old seashell bra once more, and singing about his quest for swords. It was quite sweet really, in a surreal way. Unfortunately their plan backfired, and he sang more often if anything.

Karin, curiously had developed some sort of agoraphobia. If the opportunity to ride in a small cart, of sleep in a wardrobe occurred she took it. Most worryingly was the time the boys caught her in the bath trying to breath underwater and clicking her fingers. They guessed it was from being stuck in the fishbowl and carried around whilst in the other dimensions.

Sasuke had undergone the smallest change. He still had a burning desire to kill his elder brother. However, now when he spoke of Itachi there was a definite buzz to his voice. Like an angry little insect was in the area. The buzzing would also happen when the other two argued too much and irritated him. Wisely, Karin and Suigetsu chose to not to mention it.

Back in a forest of technicolor splendour, Jugo fluttered from tree to tree. The little orange bird was relieved. So many cute fuzzy animals here were suppressing his urges to kill. And on the rare occasions he did feel violent, there was usually some retarded princess singing that he could take it out on. He didn't mind at all that Taka had left him behind. Taka didn't even realise he was gone.

* * *

The akatsuki were taking some well earned time off.

Tobi was still grounded, his ideas for catching bijou more trouble than they were worth. The masked moron had stopped eating sushi though, and was currently building himself an aquarium. A small glass bowl in the room held a pink starfish, awaiting its new home.

Kakuzu was a different story. Since getting back he'd been torn between keeping his gun or selling it on the black market. He knew it would go for millions, nobody in their world had ever come across such an object. On the other hand, nothing shut Hidan up like a well placed bullet. And Kakuzu loved shutting Hidan up. He'd also developed an even stronger need to wear his hood and face mask around the base, going so far as to shower with them. Hidan promised next time he could he'd buy Kakuzu a tricorn hat.

Hidan was the same as ever. He'd undergone the least of them all he supposed. He had taken to talking to random sculptures and statues though. A little part of him hoped they talk back, or that he'd meet the muses again. Kakuzu had noticed, told the others and as a result the rest of them made fun of that. Still they'd shut up about Jashin now, maybe they were more open to conversion?

Kisame and Itachi had come out of the spell worse off than anyone else. The big blue shark had grown a taste for walking around topless and using dinner forks as weapons, but that was the only positive aspect of the spell. His relationship with the Uchiha had suffered. The black haired man hardly spoke to his partner anymore, well, he spoke even less than he usually did. He was still offended that Kisame hadn't recognised him as a dragon. If anyone else brought this up, they could swear they'd seen smoke forming from Itachi's nostrils. Still, Kisame didn't let it get him down too much. After all, he'd constantly praised Itachi to his face unknowingly and if there was one thing the Uchiha's liked it was a good ego stroking.

Deidara had squandered the remains of his mushrooms and shrinking drink. One day he'd flown out into a secluded area of forest, and sat for hours eating the mushrooms and drinking himself back to the right size. Each of the experiments was punctuated with an explosion and insane giggling of course. He had wanted to blow up his ridiculous blue dress while he was at it but the outfit had mysteriously disappeared.

It had of course mysteriously disappeared to his Danna's wardrobe. Sasori, intrigued by his foray into tights, had formed his own cross-dressing habits, unbeknownst to the other members of the akatsuki. It was stuffed at the back of his other clothing, along with the little green hat, which he couldn't force himself to get rid of. Not to mention whenever he saw the dress, an image of a blonde fighting a sea goddess came to mind and took him to a happy place. A very happy place.

Zetsu, it appeared had developed a taste for pirate. Most nights he would come crawling back to the base with little keepsakes for the others. These included swords for Hidan and Kisame, a packet of cigarettes for Deidara (not that the blonde wanted them) and for some strange reason a straw hat for Pain. He still ticked when he was around Kakuzu, but the assassins had all learnt to ignore that now. Other than that he was still their crazy cannibal.

Pain and Konan came out relatively unscathed. Well, Konan did at least. In any world she was in the blue haired woman kicked ass, and handed out regular beatings to inferior men. She did slightly regret not staying in one of the other worlds though. It would have been nice to have a longer break from the morons she associated with. Pain had liked the big stone she got him however. He'd used it to wedge Tobi's door shut and keep him annoying everyone. Speaking of Pain, the orange haired man was as depressed as ever. His brief stint in the working world had been enjoyable for him, and try as he might, he just couldn't sweep a chimney here in the akatsuki base.

* * *

Several miles away in Konoha a certain blonde strolled back to his home. He was in need of an afternoon nap, but was so happy he purred as he walked. The massive grin didn't fade from his face as he tripped over a small object on the floor. It was a curious dome shape, and looked like it belonged on some furniture. Naruto twirled the bedknob in his hand curiously, before pocketing the object. He wondered, idly, what would the world be like if it were made of ramen? And with that thought, the world went white.


End file.
